Why DO They Come with a Ruler?

Profile Sent in by Will:

Who I'm looking for:

A regular swiss army knife of a person - 1. the knife itself. The brain that cuts and bleeds with emotional pain.

2. the saw. cutting to the chase no matter how messy. honesty and faith in each other.

3. the tweezers and toothpick. they could be our kids! especially given that they both pick at things. lol.

4. scissors. the real reason why you buy a swiss army knife in the first place. these are the brian to cut and the heart to pour out emotional honesty together.

5. the bottle opener. PARRTY! lololololololololololololololol!!!

6. the ruler. who uses that? That could be your shlong. KIDDING.

7. the corkscrew. ummm… i dunno… used to shoot marbles???

If you think you have what it takes to be my swiss army knife of a person then apply here!


  1. I give the seeker 5 points for creative vision and -5 points for drunken half-assed execution of creative vision.

  2. Oh, kids! Always picking at things.

    I've never seen someone muddle through the uses of a swiss army knife so badly. Also, whose key reason for buying a swiss army knife is the crappy scissors?

  3. @nomatophobia: Answer: the same kind of person who uses a freakin' Swiss Army knife, that most sexy and erotic of objects, as a metaphor for a relationship. Creepy...

  4. Actually, the scissors are the most used part of a swiss army knife.


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