Friends and Juice

Story Sent in by Alejandro:

I took Ciara to a street fair on our first date. There was food, performers, and all manner of artisans. It was a once-a-year event, and so I was glad that the timing worked out. Ciara herself was bubbly, talkative, and seemed to be having a nice time.

While we strolled about, close to lunchtime, all of a sudden, Ciara huddled close. She said, "Oh my God, my worst enemy is here."

I looked around to see who could possibly fit that description.

"Don't look around!" she hissed, "Just follow me."

She led me over to an area between two small vendor tents. Too late, though.

"Ciara? Ciara! It is you, friend!" a super-high woman's voice said.

Ciara groaned and turned around with me to face a woman about 10 years older than we were, and almost a full head taller than Ciara, herself. The woman squeaked, "Hi, friend!" and gave Ciara a big hug.

Ciara said, "Hi, April. This is Alejandro."

April shook my hand and said, "Great to meet you, friend!" then turned to Ciara. "How've you been, friend?"

"I'm fine. We're just here, trying to enjoy the day."

"Do you like fried dough, friend?" April screeched, "There's a stall right down there that makes amazing fried dough. I try it every year, friend!"

Ciara pointed in the other direction. "We were just heading off that way–"

"There's an amazing potter down that way. I have two of her coffee mugs," April said, "I'll come with you, friend!"

Ciara said, "It's okay. We don't want to take you away from whatever you were doing."

April put her arms around both of us. "It's okay! I'm here alone, friends!"

Ciara pulled away and said, "Okay, first of all, Alejandro isn't your friend. You just met him. Secondly, I'm not your friend. We've been over this, haven't we?"

April gave her a sweet smile. "I was hoping we could let the past be the past, friend–"

"No!" Ciara shouted, then grabbed my arm, "Come on, Alejandro. Let's go."

April called after us, specifically to me, "She'll suck your juices out."

I asked, "She'll what?"

Ciara let go of my arm and said, "That does it." She went right into April's face and said, "You want another fight? Is that what you want?"

"You're the one getting physical," April said.

Ciara swung a hand at April's face. April cried out and shoved Ciara away. A few people around us gasped and pointed. Ciara backed up to me, and April moved away. Ciara yelled, "Stay away from me, 'friend.'"

April pointed at us and said, "You will die. That is certain," and then she stormed off.

Ciara was a different person for the rest of our time out together. She hardly said a word, muttered to herself, and went back and forth, clenching her fists. Despite my efforts to calm her down and switch her mind to different things, she was inconsolable. Too much drama for me. First and last date.


  1. April really meant it that last time. She didn't append it with "friend."

  2. Why can't we be friends, why can't...

    Oh, I thought after the story from yesterday morning we were adding relevant songs to them. My bad.

    I think this would have been a more interesting story if OP had been on a date with April instead of Cialis. I would like to read that. this was good, too, but I find it hard to be a jerk to the date when she wasn't the worst person around.

  3. Wow. Obviously, April has a mental illness or she's completely clueless. OP could have been nicer to his date.

  4. ^ Yeah, it's unfair for the OP to blame Ciara for the actions of an obviously unstable person whom she clearly wanted to avoid. Obviously she was upset afterwards, but wouldn't YOU be if a crazy (and possibly malicious) person sabotaged YOUR date?

    I think the OP missed out on having a perfectly normal girl suck his juices out.

  5. April reminds me of Fluffmodeous from Something Positive.

  6. A blue spectral teddy bear. Yeah, I can see it.

  7. I just can't be with you like this anymore, Alejandro.

  8. What I don't get is why didn't she just tell April, "I'm sorry but we are on a date." An easy excuse to eliminate third wheels

  9. Team Ciara. I don't blame her for being upset. That April had no business sticking her nose where it didn't belong. This was Alejandro and Ciara's date. Alejandro should have been more sympathetic. Team Ciara all the way

  10. I'm not your friend, buddy!

  11. Ashley, will you go out with me? We can report our awesome chemistry here and everyone can take turns siding with thier neurosis of choice: win! Lets do this!

  12. I'm always up for siding with my neurosis!

  13. 32508: If April couldn't take the hint that Cialis (that's how I HAVE to refer to her now; damn you, Ankh!) didn't want to be her friend from all the previous conversations they apparently had, and if April couldn't pick up on the fact that Cialis and Alejandro wanted to be far, far away from her by all the "I'm actually going in the OPPOSITE direction of you" talk, then I highly doubt saying, "I'm on a date, gtfo, bitch" would have made April leave.

    I can understand why Alejandro bolted, but I DO feel sorry for Cialis, and not just because you bastards ruined her name for me.

  14. Doesn't sound like Ciara's fault. She and April obviously have a history, and clearly something ain't right with April, so...

    Still I guess I can see why the OP would want to stay away. Too bad, though.


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