Strange Place to Bury a Bone

Story Sent in by Anthony:

Lisa and I met in college and had already had one successful date. I asked her out again, and I took her out to a play and then dinner. From my point of view, everything was going well and nothing at all was amiss.

At the time, I lived off-campus in a house with two friends. Lisa hadn't ever been there, but at the end of our second date, I asked her if she'd want to go on a hike for that coming weekend. She said she was up for it, and so I told her my address so that we could meet there and depart together for the trail. We said our good-nights, and I looked forward to our third time out together.

That night, when I came back into the house, both of my housemates were already home, inside their rooms in the otherwise dark house. After staying up a little while longer, I went to bed.

I was close to sleep when I sat up with a start. Someone had just opened the front door of the house. My roommates and I were home, so my first thoughts were, "Whats the landlord doing here at this time of night, and without calling any of us first?"

I opened the door to my bedroom and looked out in the dark hall. No one was there, but I crept my way into the living room, where I heard someone stepping around, slowly, in the dark. On my way through the kitchen, I picked up a wine bottle to use as a weapon, just in case. To be honest, though, I was shaking.

I peeped into the living room. Someone stood with their back to me, right in the middle of the room, with their hands on their hips. Someone with long hair.

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. The figure made for the door in a hurry, and on her way there, she barked, like a dog. "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" with every step she took. When the door opened, I saw, without a doubt, that it was Lisa.

I followed her out and stopped her before she was out of our front yard.

"Lisa!" I called, and tapped her on the shoulder.

She stopped, spun to me, and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I should ask you that. What were you doing in my house? How did you get in?"

She started, "I just… okay, I'm sorry. I think we should just be friends."

Without missing a beat, I said, "Agreed. Answer my questions."

"Goodbye," she said, and hurried down the street fast enough to imply that she didn't want to be followed. I took a few steps after her, called for her to stop, and gave up, realizing that it wasn't worth it at all.

The next day, I told my roommates, and we invested in new locks. We had only ever used the doorknob lock, which was stupid. After that, we didn't have any further break-ins, and I never encountered Lisa again.


  1. I was going to be all, how do people just blithely not lock their doors, but apparently you guys do. A Bad Case of the Lockpicking! Good job keeping your cool through the adrenaline.

  2. Never, EVER break into someone's house unless you can run faster than 1080 FT/S (the velocity of an average .45 ACP round)

    I mean, this chick is indeed crazy for the obvious reasons of breaking and entering, but how could you ever know how the owners would react? What if it was a bit darker, and he hadn't hesitated with that wine bottle?

    Sad thing is, if that happened, she could probably sue YOU, and WIN!

  3. Also, my theory is that she felt like doing some "recon" on you before things got more serious. You know, see if you have porno mags laying around, various other women's undergarments strewn about, that sort of thing...

  4. ^ There's "recon", and then there's "recon of Crazytown."

  5. And the police weren't called?

  6. ^People only call the police if they're in danger or if they want to press charges, if not, well then it's just a hassle to get them involved.

  7. I absolutely love the fact that she tried to pull of the "Ruff! Ruff!" - LOL that's hilarious!

  8. Well Mediator, I personally would call the police if ANYONE broke into my house, breaking and entering is against the law, who knows what she was going to do, they'd only been on one date after all. Press charges all the way and teach her a lesson.

  9. ^And I'm not saying YOU shouldn't; just that if HE didn't intend to press charges, he'd just have been wasting everyone's time by calling the police.


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