Doesn't Always Make Mouths Happy

Story Sent in by Keith:

I found Andrea's profile online and discovered, upon reading it, that she had an affinity for Twizzlers. I contacted her, and apparently charmed her enough over the course of a week and a half to convince her to say yes when I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner.

Once we sat down, I pulled out a small pack of Twizzlers from my pocket that I had picked up on the way. From my point of view, it was a nice gesture. Honestly, nothing more than that.

Her eyes went wider than I'd ever seen a human's eyes go before. She didn't take the Twizzlers. "Twizzlers?" she asked, "How did you… how did you know I liked Twizzlers?"

"It was on your profile. You wrote–"

She said, gravely, "How did you know I like Twizzlers?"

I hesitated, then answered, again, "It was on your profile. You wrote it on there."

The longest pause, then she said, "No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. It was on your profile."

"I never wrote that. Have you been checking up behind my back? Were you doing searches on me? I mean–"

"No!" I said, more and more upset, "No, no! It's honest-to-goodness on your profile. Let me pull it up, here. I'll show you." I was still convinced that it was a silly misunderstanding.

Without another word, Andrea stood up and left me there, just like that. I let her go, as she seemed extremely freaked out. Sure enough, though, I pointed my browser to her profile and pulled it up. I even took a screen grab of it, and then I texted her, "I'm looking at your profile right now. It says that you're a huge Twizzlers fan. This is a misunderstanding. Please come back."

She didn't. When I returned home that night, I checked out her profile again. The Twizzlers line was gone. I emailed her a blank message, but included my screen grab along with it.

Surprisingly, she wrote back, "You obviously photo shopped that."

I wrote back, "And you're obviously a liar." Not surprisingly, I never heard from her again.


  1. She just wasn't into you, and this was her exit strategy.

    I was in a similar situation once, involving someone who said on their profile that they loved Jelly Belly jelly beans. I picked up a small bag, which I gave to her as we were ending the date. I figured that way, we'd either end on a high note, or she'd be somehow weirded out, but at least the date would be over.

    She seemed genuinely surprised and flattered, but I didn't hear from her again. Oh well!

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  4. Don't try to understand or explain crazy - it's pointless.


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