Playing Solitaire 'Til Dawn

Story Sent in by Celia:

My second date with Alan was supposed to be a day trip to a craft village in the countryside, but a major winter storm kept us at our college. Instead, he invited me to his dorm room for lunch, movies, or whatever else we could do indoors (keeping in mind that it was only our second date).

Apparently, however, Alan forgot that we weren't quite up to "a-day-in-means-a-day-messing-around" phase, and from the moment he closed his dorm room door, he started kissing down my neck.

I pulled away from him and asked, "So, what did you have planned for today?"

He pulled out a couple of horror DVDs and asked, "Which would you rather watch?"

I replied, "Neither, if that's okay. I'm not into horror."

He scanned the backs of both DVDs, then put one of them into his DVD player, completely ignoring what I had just said. He sat down on his sofa and beckoned me over.

After the first 10 minutes, I had had enough and I asked him if we could turn it off. He muted it and asked me, "Want to play a card game?"

I was up for that, and so he took out a deck and dealt out a series of cards to me, almost half the deck. I asked him, "What are we playing?"

His response was to smile. He scooped up his own cards and placed three of them face up on the coffee table. I asked him, "What do I do? I don't recognize this game."

He put two more cards down, face up. Then, he flipped one of the first face up cards face down. He then stared at me. I said, "I'm sorry. I really don't know this game. Teach me?"

He didn't say anything, but he pointed to my hand of cards and tapped the cards already on the coffee table. I asked, "I put some cards down? Okay."

As I picked out two cards and placed them face up on the table, he slapped my hand. "Hey!" I yelled, "What was that for?"

He said, "Take all of those cards, the ones on the table. You did it wrong."

"Did what wrong?"

"Take them and I'll tell you."

I reached to grab the cards, and he again slapped my hand, this time so hard that it throbbed. I threw down my cards and said, "That's it! I'm leaving."

I stood and threw on my coat. He tossed his cards onto the floor and said, "But we're not done. I have to slap you again for throwing your cards down." He came at me with an open palm.

I backed toward his door and yelled, "You touch me, I'll slap you so hard, it'll make your head spin!"

"That's not how we play!" he said.

"That's how I play," I replied, then reached for the door, stomped out, and slammed it shut.

Months later, I bumped into him during a study group in the library. In front of everyone I was with, he asked, "I don't really get what happened between us. I was just playing a card game and you turned into the biggest sore loser I've ever seen."

I said, "Maybe if you didn't try to hit me every time I put a card down, I wouldn't have been so sore."

That shut him up.


  1. sounds a lot like a game i've played called Mao. there are a lot of rules, (no spades on spades! can't play two sequential cards! etc) and one of the rules is that no one is allowed to explain ANY of the rules (including the rule that no one is allowed to explain the rules). although in our game penalties are extra cards, not violence. this is bad because you win by losing all your cards. (no, no one is allowed to tell you how to win)

    it's actually pretty fun in a group where at least 2 people know most of the rules. new players have to figure the rules out on their own.

    anyway, its a pretty dumb game to play with only 2 people, but in his defense the rules do preclude him from telling you what is going on.

  2. @Matt: ...yeah. That sounds like the ideal game to get to know a potential partner over. What with the random violence and extreme lack of any explanation whatsoever - what a dream come true! Because there's no way any woman, when locked in a room with a man they only know a little who won't stop slapping her, would find it fucking creepy and unacceptable. Why she didn't jump his bones there and then, god only knows.

    Or, y'know, not.I think the OP was far too lenient. The second I got out of there, I'd have been telling everyone what had happened as loud as I could. See if that idiot gets laid in the entire rest of his college career.

  3. Playing Mao with just one other person who doesn't know the rules is kind of a dick move. Mao's a party game and it's fun when everybody is winning and losing.

    And sure, part of the game is not telling people what's going on but it's not a LAW and slapping people is certainly not necessary.

    So yeah, there is a reason for the bad date's behavior but it still points to him being a jerk.

    And what is it with guys seeing that they've pissed a girl off enough to make her leave a date and thinking, "Hmm...perhaps I should keep doing the thing that made her mad. Genius!"?

  4. Mao came and went in about 6 months in my highschool.

  5. We played a game called Slap Jack when I was a kid, where you slap your hand on the cards thrown down when a jack is played. My sister slapped the shit out of me every time with brute force, usually allowing for my hand to hit the deck first just so she could hit me. But it's okay, because I graduated college and she didn't - so, happy ending, you know?


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