10/23/2011

The Hunger Games

Story Sent in by Belinda:

Carlo and I were walking around a mall on our first date. We had enjoyed lunch in a mall restaurant about a half-hour before when he turned to me and asked, "Where would you like to go for lunch?"

I said, "We just did lunch. Remember?"

He scrunched his face in what I guessed was thought, then said, "Oh yeah. Sorry."

I thought nothing much of it, and we continued on our walk. We talked about this and that, and not long before I planned to suggest that we go elsewhere, perhaps someplace outside, he asked, "Want to do lunch?"

I said, "Are you for real? You're still hungry?"

"For lunch."

"We had lunch!"

He nodded. I asked, "Are you okay?"

He said, "I just have to get out of this mall. It's making me crazy."

I was on board with that idea. We walked out together and around the entire building. I thought that he was walking us to a park or another location, but instead, once we were on the other side of the mall, he booked it for a set of doors that led back into it!

"Why are we going back into the mall?" I asked him.

He said, "It's lunch time. Aren't you hungry?"

I said, "What the hell is your problem? Is this your way of saying that you want me to get lost?"

He stared at me. "What are you talking about? It's after two in the afternoon. You don't want lunch? My treat."

"We had lunch already!"

"Fine!" he said, "Let's do an early dinner, then."

"I'm not hungry," I said, "Why don't we just go do something else?"

He said, "Now you're playing that? I had an ex who'd say she wasn't hungry whenever she was pissed at me. I never saw her eat in months! Don't punish yourself, Belinda."

"I'm not punishing myself! We had lunch and you know it."

He moaned and said, "I'll be right back, okay? Don't move."

I put a seven-minute time limit on this adventure, with every intention of leaving if he wasn't back in due time. Surprisingly, he did return, and he handed me a banana.

He said, "I hit up the free samples at the food court. Now I feel a little bit better. Enjoy the banana."

"Thanks," I said, slipping it into my purse.

"Eat it," he advised me, "Don't save it as a sex toy."

"Great. Look, I need to go," I said, then gave him a fast, awkward hug, and started on my way.

"Where are we going?" he asked, keeping pace right behind me.

I said, "I'm going home. You're going to stay here and eat lunch or whatever else you wanted to do."

He said, "Lunch! Want to have it with me? My treat."

"No thanks," I said, "Bye," and I took off at a pace that made it clear that I didn't want to be followed.

"At least tell me where you live," he called after me, "So I have a place to bring your food, drink, and straw."

I never saw him again, and my appetite was quite taken away from the whole experience.

6 comments:

  1. Well, he was dedicated, I'll give him that.

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  2. You could make a movie called "Fifty First Lunches".

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  3. this guy was baked outta his mind

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  4. After reading these stories awhile you start to wonder...are they written by the same six people who commented on every.single.one? This one is a very common theme: Guy with foreign name Sergie, Alejandro, Carlo) meets with chick at a mall (I have never had any dates,first or 20th,at a mall) and for whatever reason he cannot remember that they just either 1)ate 2)visited a certain store 3) who she is etc. Then he goes slightly crazy and she leaves, having just barely escaped whatever the future was. This theme is right up there with the "lets have a first date dinner and immediately go camping" stories,the walk in the park and he or she promptly goes crazy stories, etc. I've been on a lot of date and have never had such weirdness, nor a date for a walk in a park, a mall, or first date campers. I've read enough. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete

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