The Situation Is Milky at Best

Story Sent in by Jennifer:

Marcus and I met on a dating site. He was scatterbrained but was very nice to me, and so we ultimately met up for a date.

At dinner, not long after we sat down, he said, "I brought a surprise for you," and pulled out a zippered freezer bag filled with what looked like milk.

I gave him a quizzical look. "Um… thanks? What is it?"

"Milk!" he said, sounding very pleased with himself.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you like it so much," he replied.

"I… I like it as much as most people, I think…"

He raised an eyebrow. "You told me you liked milk, remember?"

I shook my head. "I never said that."

"Damn," he said, "Must've been someone else."

"Oops," I playfully chided him.

He then asked, "Will you take it, anyway? I went through a couple of bags to get it all neat like that."

I laughed. "I don't want it, but thanks."

He frowned and raised his voice a bit. "What am I supposed to do with a bag of milk? It was meant as a gift–"

"–for someone else–"

"–so take it. Please."

"No, thank you."

He stared at the milk bag, then grumbled and took it off of the table. He asked me twice more over dinner if I would take it, and I politely refused him each time.

After dinner, on our way out, I caught him trying to sneak it into my coat pocket. I dodged away and told him to have a good night. He never contacted me again, and I'm glad of it.


  1. Wasn't milk.

  2. This reminds me of the guy who gift wrapped a grape for his date.
    When did these ideas of bringing strangely packaged food to a date become cute?

  3. Yeah, I'm not so sure that was milk, OP.

  4. You turned down the milk? Do you know how many perfectly good pregnant women he had to kidnap, and then later kill and eat so they couldn't implicate him, he had to go through for that? Some people just don't appreciate little acts of kindness.

  5. I once won a date over with a similar ploy: a baggie full of EZ Cheese. Sure, I could have just brought the can, but I thought she would appreciate the gesture.

    It wasn't a Ziploc baggie, so I had to tape it shut with duct tape.

    Sweet, sweet mongoose love followed...

  6. With Amanda and Baku on this one. He treated it as much too much of a valuable commodity to have been just plain milk. He tried to slip it into her coat pocket--ugh!

  7. Sounds like an E. coli experiment gone wrong.


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