A Picture Sometimes Says Just One Word

Story Sent in by Helga:

James met me over the Internet. He was a gym teacher and coach at a local high school, and for our first date, he took me out to dinner, drinks, and dancing. I had a spectacular time, and by the end of the evening, I couldn't wait for a second date.

He wrote me an email the next day to express the fun he'd had, and I wrote back in agreement. Then, he sent me a photo of a penis. I wrote back, "Thanks, but I don't think that's called for just yet."

He wrote back at once: "That isn't mine. You thought it was mine? Ha! Mine's waaaaaay longer than that."

I replied, "Great. Thanks for the random guy's penis, then."

He called me up. "Hey, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

I laughed. "By sending me a random guy's penis? I guess it's more funny than anything else… do I even want to know whose it is?"

Silence from his end of the phone. "Hello?" I said, "Whose penis was it?"

More silence, and then some muttering. I said, "I can't hear you."

He screamed into the phone, "I said, 'You're a slut!'" then he shrieked and hung up. Last I ever heard from him. Thank goodness.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Ladies and Gents, we've officially reached the linguistic period when "slut" is totally divorced from any meaning other than "you are a woman and I want a word to hurt you." YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. James is an embarrassment to manhood, and I hope he never spawns.

  4. (how come there are so many "otherwise seemly normal" guys sending pics of their penises to their dates expecting positive results? How does this not scream BAD IDEA to them?)

  5. OP, you do realize that now that he's shown you how insecure he is, there are countless opportunities to toy with this guy... right? For example, e-mail him saying something like "I'm sorry, I couldn't stop thinking of that massive penis you sent me" and he'll be in the palm of your hand (no pun intended). Then if he tries to schedule a date, send him to an address that turns out to be a penis enlargement doctor, or a police station, etc.

  6. All I have to say is that this man and all like him should be chemically castrated.

  7. Also, did he shriek the words "you're a slut", or did he say them, then shriek, then hang up? Your writing suggests the latter which would be pretty unusual but would make this post much funnier to me for some reason.

  8. Agnes: "slut" is totally divorced from any meaning other than "you are a woman and I want a word to hurt you." YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    SO true


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