The New Cadillac STD

Story Sent in by Gene:

Last year, I was thinking about buying a car, and so I visited a dealership near my work. Stella was a sales associate there, and we soon enough transitioned our car talk into a discussion about each other. By the end of it, I had offered to take her out to dinner that very evening.

Dinner was fun, and I kept her laughing throughout. We took a walk afterward, sat down on a bench, and then she asked, "Do you want to kiss me?"

I hadn't been expecting to, as after all, we had just met earlier that day. Still, she was attractive and I liked what I had found out about her thus far, and so I kissed her, there and then.

We were at it for a minute or so when she pulled away, folded her arms onto her lap, and said, "So, do you think you're going to buy a car from me?"

I laughed and said, "Maybe," then joked, "Kissing more would probably help that along."

She giggled and leaned close to me. "It always does," she said, then pressed her lips to mine.

Then it was my turn to pull away. "What?"

She said, "You think this is the first time I've done this?" She snorted and went on, "I won't do sex, though. Not until we finalize a sale."

I laughed, thinking that she was joking. She had to be. She had to be. Right?

"I'm not joking," she said, with a serious face, "My sales are through the roof. Might as well work it from all angles."

"I… I guess."

She gave me a smirk. "What's the matter? You some kind of prude?"

"No. I should go, though. I have to be at work early tomorrow."

She gave me a look as if she didn't believe me at all, then stood up and said, "All right," then extended her hand and I shook it. "It was nice meeting you. I'll see you soon?"

"You bet."

I bought a car elsewhere.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I'm guessing you haven't been here long, Connor. You'll find making generic comments and advertising won't end well for you. You might wind up with a pickle in your ass.

    That out of the way, I've heard this isn't uncommon in large sale industries like construction equipment. Female salespeople often sleep with foreman and whoever else, since they get commission on several hundred thousand dollar sales. Electrician friend of mine told me about a women that let herself be gang banged by the foreman and 6 of the linemen in exchange for 450k sale (which she got 30%). He said, "they all do it".

  3. ^You know, while I wouldn't be overly surprised to find out that is a true story, it has the feeling of an urban legend to me, or at least has been exaggerated in some way.

    That being said, I need to know, is that 30% of the gross profit, or the net profit?

  4. "a women that let herself be gang banged.." is the most awkward passive voice construction I've ever heard. Let's give her the credit for her choices, however we feel about them: she wanted sex with multiple dudes for money, and she did it.

    (This all sounds pretty apocryphal to me too, Mediator, with a hint of "see what happens when you let women work?")

  5. Connor Keating

    I hope they ban your IP, then hunt you down and shove adverts...

  6. Prostitution comes in many forms. What she did (or was trying to do) is illegal, and the OP would be well within his rights to report her. Up to him, though.

    During the housing bust, several lending institutions that were charged with lending fraud, were found to have accepted sexual favors for loan approvals and the like.

    1. The way I read it, she isn't a prostitute -- she's not selling sex. Rather, she's using the *promise* of sex to sell cars. That's distasteful, perhaps, but not prostitution.

      Also, we don't know what jurisdiction this happened in, so we don't know if prostitution is illegal there.

  7. Even though this is kinda sad in a way, I figured that a lot of women do this, and both men and women seem to be okay with it. If they do it out on the street they're called prostitutes. If they do it through a casting agency/production company they're called porn stars. And if they do it purely for themselves outside of work they're called gold diggers.

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. My friend heard it from his foreman (the one involved in the gang bang). Whether it was true or exaggeration I don't know. He said the foreman apparently liked to harp on another lineman for having "performance anxiety".
    Mediator: I don't know what the actual commission is/was.

  10. So I missed out on this Conor Keating guy? What did he say?

  11. I could use a new car...

  12. I missed it, too, Corio. Judging from Wolfe's comment, it was probably similar to one of Pickle's.

  13. ^ He commented on the story a bit, but "subtly" added a link to a dating website.

  14. Men and women do this sort of thing. When women do it, they're called whores. When men do it, they're called playboys. On a related note, a woman with multiple male partners is a gang bang (awful, awful phrase), what is a man with multiple female partners? It's also always struck me as unfair that it is always the woman who is looked down on in said "gang bangs" but rarely the men...

  15. Looks like JMG can delete posts now. Sweet.

  16. I've always been able to. I just don't like doing it. I'm not a fan of unsanctioned advertising on the site, though.

  17. All the best advertising is sanctioned. Like the link to my blog in the "Friends" column. ;D <3

    Additionally, I have nothing else to add to this conversation, since everyone agrees she's a ho who's in it to win it.


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