Brand New Key

Story Sent in by Beth:

I love biking, so when Marty asked me to go with him on a local bike trail for our date, I jumped at the chance. He said that he repaired bikes as a hobby. The fact that he was also tall, well-built, and had a great smile certainly didn't hurt!

We met up in the morning for a quick breakfast, and then we drove seperately to a parking lot next to a trail. Right before we started, he asked to take a look at my bike.

He knelt beside it and said, "Your gears are all out of sorts."

"They haven't given me trouble," I said.

He asked, "Do you mind if I tinker with them a bit? I'll have it running better for you in minutes. Promise."

I didn't see why not, and so he took a small toolkit out of his trunk and went to work on my rear wheel. After a few minutes, he was done, and he said, "Give that a try."

I rode it around in a few circles. It felt the same as before, but I told him, "Thanks."

He said, "It'll be more efficient. You'll see out on the trail."

Out on the trail, he whizzed ahead of me. I could've caught up, but wasn't in the mood for a race. Suddenly, my rear wheel wobbled as if it was about to pop off, and I slowed the bike down to inspect it.

I called for Marty, and he biked back toward me and stepped off his bike with a big grin. "Anything wrong?" he asked.

I pointed to my bike. "It's the wheel you just worked on. I don't know what you did to it, but I'm going to fix it, myself."

"You know how?" he asked, "Impressive. I'm not going to lie, I'm amazed that you're not more banged up. I only loosened it a little."

That stopped me cold. "You loosened it?" I asked, "Why?"

He knelt down at my bike and said, "Just let me take care of it. An old guy's trick, and it didn't go exactly as planned."

"You loosened it?" I asked again, "I could've gotten hurt!"

He said, "Relax, your highness. You're fine, aren't you? Now let me fix this."

He turned back to my bike and went to work on the rear tire. I was about to protest, but I noticed that he had hung his fanny pack around his own bicycle seat.

Before I could stop myself, I reached for it, unzipped it, pulled out his keys, pocketed them, and zipped his pack back up.

"There," he said, standing up, "Test it out." I looked at him as if I didn't trust him. He said, "Want me to ride it for you, your highness? It's fine, now."

I smiled at him. "Thanks!"

He returned to his bike and said, "Let's go," and he took off, down the path, before I could even hop on my bike again.

I checked his handiwork. It looked all right, and so I mounted my bike, pedaled as quickly as I could in the other direction, back towards the parking lot. On my way, I tossed his keys into to woods.

Very shortly after I drove away, he called me to ask where I was. I told him that I didn't think that things would work out. He hung up on me.

Her highness wonders how he made it back into his car, much less back into his house.


  1. That was a little harsh. I mean, I get he's an asshole, but still. I would've probably put the keys under his car, over his tire or something, so that he might go crazy looking for them but would EVENTUALLY find them.

  2. He could have seriously hurt her. I'm all for her revenge.

  3. i've got to wonder what goal he had in mind here. any ideas?

  4. "Old guys trick"? WTF?

  5. Depriving him of your presence was honestly the best thing you could've done. Either way, unfortunately, he likely didn't learn anything from the experience and went on to potentially hurt someone else.

  6. ^Yeah, I'm guessing this, Baku.

    Lulu, while I would normally agree with you, (in fact, I'd have probably done as you suggest, hiding it on top of a tire) I can't help but point out that he was purposely setting her up to get hurt. Can you imagine how bad one can get hurt if one's back wheel were to come off while riding fast? I'm not exactly feeling bad for this douchenozzle.

  7. He had a fanny pack...'nuff said.

  8. Aw, I love revenge stories! Props to the narrator for asserting herself and not being a pushover.

  9. To the folks who think she was too harsh, after his breezy:
    "I'm amazed that you're not more banged up."

    I'd say you weren't nearly harsh enough.

    1. What Marty did was awful. So is what the OP did with his keys; that part seems quite inappropriate. I could see that if he'd tried to hurt her with his keys, or with his car, but as the story stands, stealing his keys (and littering, BTW) is just a senseless juvenile act of attempted revenge -- and Marty probably wouldn't even have got the message.

      Two wrongs don't make a right.

  10. ^Ok, good point. I was all set to say that she went a little psycho, but after deeper reflection, I guess what did she was validish.

  11. WTF!! Two wrongs don't make a right! Yes what he did to her bike was bad but that still doesn't make what she did right!
    First rule she broke was NEVER let someone "fix it, if it isn't broken"
    Second rule she should have met him some place more populated.

    1. psst. Victim blaming is so last year. He was a dick, and a loser. It isn't her job to meet him in Times Square to avoid being tossed off a bike and potentially attacked by an asshole.

      What she did was TOTALLY right. She disabled him from following her.

    2. Saying the OP made a bad decision isn't victim-blaming.

  12. ^ And I suppose you have never once in your life committed an act of passive-aggressive vengeance? And I have never heard of these "rules" of yours. Get off your high horse.

    1. You say that like you think passive-agressive vengeance is acceptable. It isn't, at least not the way I was raised.

      Revenge is rarely a good idea, but if you must have it, make sure the punishment fits the crime, and that the person you're taking revenge on realizes why it's happening. Otherwise you're not doing anything useful.

  13. One must also keep in mind that he took off as fast as he could: he wanted her to race him, with a broken bike. WTF. I'm all for throwing the keys.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.