Slip-Sliding Away

Story Sent in by Olivia:

Colin and I met while I was out with a group of friends. He knew somebody who knew somebody. He chatted me up, and somehow he kept up the ruse of being charming and polite long enough for me to give him my number.

He called the next day and asked me if I wanted to visit a water park with him that weekend. I did, and so we made it definite.

He picked me up at my house and drove me to another part of my town. On a suburban side street, he pulled over and parked his car.

"Here we are," he said.

I stepped out of his car to see… a house. Not a water park in sight.

"Here we are!" he repeated.

I asked, "Where is here?"

"The water park!" he said, "Come on!"

Warily, I followed him to the backyard, where two other guys and another woman were sitting in old folding chairs. One of the guys was in swim trunks, the other wore a t-shirt and shorts. Nearby, on the ground, was what looked like a long string of black garbage bags, all stapled together.

Colin slapped the two guys five, didn't introduce me, and then joined them in ignoring me. He pointed at the mass of bags and asked, "Is this it?"

"Sure is, man," the swim trunks guy said, "Check it."

The guy turned on a nearby hose, and it sprayed water down the bags. He took a running start and jumped onto the bags, as if it was a slip-and-slide.

"Ow!" he yelled, and rolled of of it, "Goddamn it!"

As it turned out, they had, in fact, stapled garbage bags together. I asked, "Why didn't you use packing tape?" but no one listened to me.

The guy in swim trunks ran inside, screaming, "They're gonna take my hand off! They're gonna amputate me! I know it!"

The t-shirt guy and the woman followed the screaming man. Colin approached the crumpled bags, where the incident occurred. He inspected them closely, then stood up and said, "Yeah. It was probably the staples."

"Some water park," I said.

"Shut up!" he yelled, "You ruin everything!" He turned and followed his friends inside.

I walked home.


  1. Uh... just... oh boy.

  2. That last couple of lines sound kinda funny... like, all of a sudden dude throws a childish tantrum at a very convenient time... I smell b.s.

  3. I thought 'visiting the water park' was going to turn out to be a euphemism for something else. Regardless, the story does seem made up.

  4. I wouldn't have followed him into the stranger's back yard. But I guess in a fictional story you can do anything you want and your safety will never be in jeopardy.

  5. Reminds me of 1000 Ways to Die, S04E01 Death on a Stick.

    A pool hopper gets eviscerated when he jury-rigs a slip-n-slide out of a plastic tarp and some plywood, missing the nail sticking out of the wood.

  6. Mediator: for reals?!? You're not kidding us? I love that show, but I've never seen that particular episode.


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