Pop Goes Our Future

Story Sent in by Franklin:

I messaged Andrea online, she wrote back, and I have to confess that I was very excited to meet her. She was a children's social worker and was kind enough to include a bikini shot in her profile. I liked everything I heard and saw, so a date was the logical next step.

Dinner began well. She told me about her job, I told her about my recent move to the area, and everything seemed to progress fine.

I noticed, though, that every couple of minutes, she would glance around the restaurant, as if she was expecting someone else to show up.

"Expecting someone else to show up?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "No." We kept eating and talking, but something was clearly preoccupying her. Aside from looking around, she also tapped her fork on the table, seemingly nervous. What was going on?

"You seem worried about something," I said, "Are you?"

"A little. I'm afraid that Genevieve will show up."


"My ex. I wouldn't put it past her to hunt me down."

I frowned. "It was a bad breakup?"


"I'm sorry to hear. How long ago was it?"

She glanced at her watch. "About 21 hours ago."

Andrea and I had been speaking for a little over two weeks. This was, indeed, a revelation. She went on, "It's not because of you, although the fight might have started because she found our emails."

"So it actually was because of me."

She looked away and nodded. "I guess."

"Do you think she would try anything?"

She nodded again. "She has, already."


She didn't answer for a few moments, then said, "She's been texting me… I think she might want to puncture your tires."

I stopped breathing. "Did she follow us?"

Tears formed in Andrea's eyes. "I'm sorry."

I stood up from the table and ran outside, to the rear lot where I had parked. Sure enough, I had two flats. I had one spare tire. I returned to the restaurant and told Andrea that two of my tires were popped. "And when were you planning to tell me that she was doing this? I have to get a tow, now."

"I didn't think she would really do it!" Andrea apologized over and over. I told her that she could apologize properly by forwarding me the texts from Genevieve and giving me Genevieve's contact information.

The following morning, I called Genevieve and threatened to call the cops if she didn't pay for my tires. I lied and told her that the restaurant had a security camera in the back lot, and that the manager had agreed to let me look at it.

She sent me a money order. As for Andrea, I'm sure she meant well, but the drama was too much for me, and I didn't see her again.


  1. Very nicely done. You got 2 new tires, nobody got hurt, Genevieve may have even learned a lesson.


  2. Mediator- exactly. It's important to never leave a record of threats so that nothing ties you to the mayhem. That's how I never get caught! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I get to scoop Howie -

    He could have had makeup sex with the 2 of them!!!

  4. Agnes, the bugs I have on your cell phone and laptop beg to differ.

  5. Agnes, Nikki is definitely telling the truth, as the bugs I have placed on her cell phone and laptop tell me.

  6. Coriolanus, could you please adjust the frequencies of your bugs on Nikki's phone to be maybe .2 gigahertz lower? Right now they give me some unpleasant static feedback whenever I listen to the bugs I planted on the receiving device you use to monitor her.

  7. I can hear you *all* through the baby monitor hidden in the light fixture in that warehouse you all hang out in.

    Didn't think I knew about it, did you?

  8. What about "was kind enough to include a bikini shot in her profile"? How exactly does a photo of oneself in a bikini indicate kindness ?

  9. I watch all of you when you sleep.

  10. ^ ^^ ^^^ ^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^^, These comments are awesome, you're all insane by the way:).

  11. I feel so loved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Baku: I have a nanny cam set up so I can watch you watching us. And then the next day, we all get together in the warehouse where we all hang out and fast forward to when you fall asleep while watching us, and then WE WATCH YOU SLEEPING AFTER WATCHING US SLEEP.

  13. Oh, and polka dot? It was "nice" because dudes like seeing girls in bikinis. I'm sure most women don't include such pics in their profiles.


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