Waiter, There's a Feather in My Salad

Email Submitted by Vanessa:

Good day.

Morgan Freeman fan?  Me too.  The guy can't mess up a role.  Loved him in Driving Miss. Daisy, Loved him in Dark Knight, hell, even loved him in War of the Worlds, and you only hear his voice.  He was the best part of the whole movie!

I also was happy to read that you like Spanish literature.  I took two courses on it in college, which I know doesn't make me an expert, but I'm still a fan, and I'd love some recommendations, regardless.  Gironella and Cunquiero especially.  Ever read them?  Maybe we could trade recommendations.

You have a birdbath in your front yard.  I know this because we live in the same town and I recognize your profile photo.  My idea is to pour a significant amount of ketchup into your birdbath, then put in some lettuce and chopped vegetables.  We could then have a salad from your birdbath (which we'd clean first of course).  Two chairs (folding) and a birdbath salad.  Have you ever done this before?  I haven't. 

I think about it every time I go past your house and see your face.  Sometimes you look as though you might want a birdbath salad served to you in your own birdbath.  I am here to make your dream come true.

Let me know when I can come by.  As said I know where you live.

In fellowship,


  1. Scary scary. Also, quite possibly one of the weirdest fantasies I've seen yet on this site. Aside from the princess-and-the-pea guy, of course.

  2. "I know where you live" makes MY heart go pitty-pat. Just not in any kind of good way.

  3. For me the worst part of this story is that the guy evidently uses ketchup as a salad dressing.

  4. ^ Yeah, I was going to say. Bird bath serving dish aside, who the crap eats ketchup with salad?

  5. "Sometimes you look as though you might want a birdbath salad served to you in your own birdbath."

    I would love to see the face that says, "You know, the one thing that's been missing in my life is a birdbath salad."

  6. Have you heard of bathtub cheese? I will make you birdbath-tub cheese! You will love it! It will make you love me!

    Why are you running away?!

  7. Ketchup in a salad, no thanks.


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