The Breakfast of Chumps

Story Submitted by Keith:

Sasha and I set up our first date for a Saturday morning. We were to have breakfast at a diner and then play it by ear from there.

I arrived at the diner, and after our meeting time came and went, I called her to make sure that all was still as planned.

The phone rang a few times, and a very obviously just-woke-from-sleep Sasha answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Keith."

"I'm still asleep," she groaned into the phone."

"Oh," I said, "We had a date, remember?"

Silence. Then, "Shit!" and I heard a colossal thump. "I'll be there in five!" and then she hung up.

Ten minutes later, Sasha was running at me down the sidewalk, dressed in pastel pajamas with her hair waving out in all directions. She stopped in front of me and panted, then said, "Hi. I'm Sasha."

"Hey," I replied, "I would've waited for you to dress. You didn't have to rush here for me." I thought it was a nice thing to say, and if she had asked me to wait 20 minutes, as opposed to five, then I would have. Sometimes, people oversleep.

She replied, "You tell me that now? Why didn't you say so earlier? Asshole!" and then she took off, running back in the direction from whence she came.

Figuring that the date was over, I went home. An hour later, she called to ask, "Where are you, asshole? I'm back at the diner."

"I'm at home. I thought the date was over."

"Oh. I guess it is." She hung up again, and that was my Saturday morning.


  1. She didn't exactly give him much opportunity to 'say so' since she hung up on him pretty quickly.

  2. I'm waaaaaay too bad at mornings to ever even consider making a breakfast first date! This whole post just boggles my little mind.

  3. I'm going to let you down as gently as I can, Agnes: some people are morning people. It's ok, we're different.

  4. I like how it's just totally casual & largely unnoticed that she calls him 'asshole' and he seemingly accepts it.

  5. Laebshade, I'm never up early enough in the mornings to see them, but I'll take your word on it!

  6. ^You were up early enough two Saturdays ago for our breakfast-and-a-public-fiasco date!

  7. Yes, but I was hardly functional enough to impress anyone on a first date!

  8. You impressed my childreen, Aggiebell. That's all that matters.

  9. "I like how it's just totally casual & largely unnoticed that she calls him 'asshole' and he seemingly accepts it."

    I'm pretty sure he took that as his first clue that the date was over (with her running away as the second clue). As for accepting it, I'm not sure what else he could have done, since she WAS already running away. Plus, honestly, why argue with someone like that, even if she'd given him the opportunity? I'd just go home too.


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