What to Expect When You're Expecting

Story Submitted by Eric:

I've lived in the same apartment building for almost a decade, and one autumn morning a few years ago, someone slipped a greeting card under my door.  It contained a nice message and was signed, "Your secret admirer."

I had no idea who had sent it, and although my building had a buzzer system to "prevent" unauthorized entry, anyone conceivably could have entered by following a resident inside.  Having no way to contact my secret admirer, I had to wait for another message.

I didn't have to wait long.  A week to the day, another note arrived.  It was shorter, but still just as nice, and was also signed, "You secret admirer."  Very flattering, but with no contact information given, I couldn't contact the individual responsible.

A week and a day later, another card appeared under my door, and this time, there was a solid lead attached.  My admirer had written, "Meet me at Harpo's tonight at 7pm.  I'll be in a red scarf."

Awash with curiosity, I put on my very best date attire and headed out that evening to meet my mystery fan.

I made it to Harpo's, a neighborhood bar, right at seven o'clock.  A very attractive young woman in a red scarf (who I did not recognize) sat over a mimosa at the bar.  I put on a smile and tapped her on the shoulder.

She turned around and asked, "Can I help you?"

I asked, "You my secret admirer?"

Her eyes widened and she gasped.  "Oh, shit!" she said, "You're the wrong guy."

D'oh!  Half-serious, I said, "I could be the right guy.  I'm Eric."

She shook her head, downed her drink, said, "No," and hurried out, leaving me at the bar.  My curiosity was satisfied, I guess, although my libido wasn't.