Up the Creek Without a Smartphone

Story Submitted by Cathy:

David and I were out on our first date to a restaurant.  It had been a little while since the Droid Incredible smartphone came out, and I had one.  He asked to see it and I showed it to him. He played around with some of the apps and found a game that he liked a lot.

He stood up and said, "This is awesome.  I'm just going to run to the bathroom."

"Can I have my phone back?" I asked him, but he was already walking off with it.  I didn't think too much of it at the time.  We had spoken online for three weeks before meeting, and he seemed like a good guy.

He came back to the table after a while.  "Everything okay?" I asked, "Where's my phone?"

He mumbled something that sounded like, "Toilet."

My breath caught in my throat.  "My phone's in the toilet?"  He nodded.  I asked, "Did you fish it out?"

He shook his head.  "Uh... it's in the toilet," he repeated.

I stood up and made for the bathroom, myself.  He called after me, "How are you going to get it out?"  It was a unisex bathroom.  I opened the door, looked in the toilet, and saw my phone within, surrounded by toilet paper.  Not thinking twice, I reached in, grabbed it, put it on the sink, washed my hands for about a minute, dried the phone, and tried to turn it on.

It was busted, and so I brought it out of the bathroom to an incredulous David.  I said, "I think it's broken, so you probably want to get me a new one."

He stared at me and at the phone.  "How did you get it out?" he asked.

"I reached in and took it."

"Into the toilet?  Eww!" he said, pushing himself back from me as if my very breath was contaminated.

I said, "I wished my hands.  Look, I want you to pay for this."

He said, "Shit never comes off!  Eww!  Eww!"

Raising my voice, I asked, "Are you going to pay for this?"

He asked, "Will I have to touch it?"

"No.  I'll carry it to the store, but you have to come with me to pay for it."


We hurried to finish dinner and I led him to a wireless store, where he purchased me a new phone (it cost him about $100), good as his word.  He seemed in a hurry to get away from me after that, and he didn't touch me since I had pulled the phone out of the toilet.  He must have thought that I was tainted for life, since he never contacted me again.


  1. I commend you for solving the problem in a brave (yes, brave; see below) way, and I commend him for actually paying for the phone.

    However, as a HUGE fecalphobe, I had a similar reaction to David's in that I kept thinking, "YOU ONLY WASHED YOUR HANDS FOR A MINUTE?!?! OH MY GOD I HOPE YOU USED A TOOOOOOON OF SOAP AND HOOOOOOOOOOOOT WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" However, I understand that, in reality, shit comes off. In my mind, it's like trying to wash King Duncan's imaginary blood off my hands.

  2. A Toon of soap and a Hoot of water won't cut it. You my friend, have a smellephone.

  3. ^^ "Out damned spot, out!"

    I don't care how long I know a guy, I would NOT let him take my phone to the bathroom with him!

  4. You know, Howie, as I was typing my hysterical screaming, I actually KNEW that SOMEONE on here was going to call me out on that. I'm glad that it was you. <3

  5. This story sums up well my thoughts about so-called Smartphones. The phones may be smart - the people remain retarded.

  6. Insert obligatory objection to the word "retarded" as a perjorative here.

  7. Insert obligatory *roll eyes* at obligatory objection

  8. Points to Agnes for speaking out.

    Points to Baku-chan for clever symmetry in rebuttal.

    Love how both posts highlight the power and awesomeness of language.

  9. Clearly none of you guys are nurses or caregivers in any way! I touch poop at least once a shift (and if I only touch it once than it's a good day!)

  10. Am I the only one who wonders why he bought her a new phone for a 100 dollars when a Droid Incredible costs around 400 pounds in UK (probably around the same in dollars in US)

  11. @umm: She said it had been a while since it came out, so the price may have gone down at the store she went to. Or maybe she got a lower price because it was a replacement for the one she already owned.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.