The Happiest Children in the World

Email Submitted by Trina:

What's cookin?  I'm Charlie.  I see you also want kids.  Now we're getting somewhere.

Imagine us married.  Got it?  You and our kids will not forget my birthday.  You and our kids will not wake me before 9AM on saturdays or sundays.  Our kids will play sports and watch sports.  Our kids will have reasonable bedtimes.  They will accept discipline with bowed heads.  Homework time is homework time, not playtime or facebook time.  Homework time.

Parents today are too lax with their kids.  So often I see the parents being downtrodden and the kids being the masters' of the houses!  Not with me.  I will be a great father and nip all disobedience in the butt.  I will carve out a life for my wife and I whether my kids want me to or not!  We (wife and I) are the boss!  No argument!

I hope this refreshes you.  Let me know what you think and I'm all for open discourse.



  1. Oh, I have some open discourse for this guy.

  2. The idiom is actually "nip it in the bud."

    A phrase of some etymology unknown to myself which I am certain will offend someone.

  3. As a horticulturalist, I take great offense at what I assume is a plant-based phrase. TWO STRIKES JONATHAN!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!eleven!

  4. Jared, alternative title: Tiger Dad (or something along those lines). Maybe "ROAR Goes the Tiger Dad"?

  5. ^Love it. I smell franchise.

  6. I truly love nothing more than a person who does not have a child telling someone else how it's gonna be when they have kids.

  7. It's much easier to feel up to the challenge of work as hard, 24/7, and life-and-death as parenting when one has never tried it. (This is why I'm not especially enamored of the idea of procreating.)

  8. Dear Charlie,

    On my birthday, which it appears you don't feel you'd need to remember, I expect to be woken up at 7 with cunnilingus. 9am?! You lazy fucker. Don't you realise kids' sports start around that time on weekends?

    At the mere suggestion of breeding with you, I felt my uterus close up shop and possibly migrate to Antarctica to start life anew. Thanks for that...

    Actually, on second thought, why on earth do people like this guy want to breed in the first place?

  9. "Actually, on second thought, why on earth do people like this guy want to breed in the first place?"

    To have someone to control, obviously. :)

  10. ABCotD refreshes me. :)

  11. @Kat: Yes. That and continuing his stellar lineage I suppose...

  12. I can understand his point of view, not that I would take it anywhere near as far, but there are parents out there you see in public with ZERO control over their kids and you can't help but think that you could do a better job.

  13. @theMediator. This is true. And it's "my wife and me" the first time he says it. The second time is correct.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.