Story Submitted by Frank:
Maura and I met in a park for our first date. She showed up with a printout of my dating profile and three file folders, one red, one yellow, and one blue.
"Depending on how the date goes," she explained, "Your profile's going to go in one of these three folders."
I asked, "What does each stand for?"
Without a word, she slipped my profile printout into her yellow folder. She then asked, "Want to take a walk?"
Again, I asked, "What does each folder stand for?"
She replied, "If I told you then that would be giving too much away. Let's take a walk."
We had known each other for barely two minutes, and I was already thinking about checking out. Still, we were both out already, and I thought that perhaps it was possible to have some fun.
During our walk, I asked her how her day was and general getting-to-know-you chitchat. She moved my profile into the red folder during this time. I asked her, "What does that mean?" and she switched it back to the yellow folder. I asked, "Are you trying to intimidate me with this?" and she kept it in the yellow folder but didn't answer my question.
We sat down in an outdoor cafe and she switched it back into the red folder as we sat there, saying not much of anything. I asked her about her job and her hobbies, which included playing in roller derbies. She gave short answers to each, and didn't ask me anything about myself.
I asked her, "Are you ever going to explain this folder system to me?" She put my profile back into the yellow folder. I said, "Every time I ask about it, you put it into the yellow folder."
No response from her. I said, "It's kind of childish, isn't it?" No response. I asked her as much as I could about roller derbies and she slipped my profile back into the red folder.
I asked, "I haven't been in the blue folder yet. Is that good?"
You guessed it. Back into yellow I went. I thought it would be a fun goal to make it into blue, so that I could brag to everyone that I had been in all three folders. Unfortunately, I grew tired of her, and I soon stopped making conversation altogether. During one such period of silence, she slipped me back into red.
As soon as our meal was over, I bid her goodbye. She asked, "You don't want to hang out anymore? Are you sure?"
I asked, "If you tell me what the folders mean."
She hugged them to her chest and shook her head. I said, "Goodbye, then," and left her standing there with three folders and no more date.
It's roller derby not roller derbies. There's no plural.
ReplyDeleteStill I would have come up with some sort of pretend score system- no matter what she did or didn't do, make a pretend note in your phone..
Or maybe not as that's childish.
I'm guessing that these little antics are meant to sort of passive aggressively steer you into acting the right way. Bitches be crazy.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we need the mascot for this site to be Bitches Bee Crazy, the lovable cartoon bee.
Pinkerton, I think there's AMPLE evidence on this site that the gentlemen, as well as the ladies, be crazy. Daters Bee Crazy, the lovable cartoon bee?
ReplyDeleteI'm a psych major, and the professional term for that is: crazy.
ReplyDeletePinkerton, it would make an EXCELLENT passive-aggressive training method if he had a better grasp of what each one meant. Her color-coding system is also deliberately confusing. Humans are conditioned to see red and think "stop" or "danger." We are also conditioned to see yellow as a warning. Blue...well that just fucks up the whole metaphor doesn't it? He could tell that asking about the folders got him put into a "warning" folder, but asking about her and trying to show interest put him into a "stop" folder (as he may have perceived it). So how was he to know how to proceed from there?
ReplyDeleteTo summarize: what a bitch.
I was thiking blue red yellow were like first second and third ribbons.... everytime he asked about her he moved up a place. When he asked about the folders it was moved to third
DeleteGawd, this was so simple to figure out:
ReplyDeleteEach folder represented an 'input' and where you'd get to stick 'it' by the end of the date. I bet in the inside of each folder it said one of the 3 things:
Shit, clit or spit.
You lost out dude....she was a sure thing!
*CUE* CSI Music....WAaaaaaaaaaaaaow!
I don't think those are innately human color associations- take red in China, for example, where it's the color of fortune, prosperity, and luck.
ReplyDeleteInnately American associations, yes, because of our stoplight system.
^My name is Agnes, and I've been to China. ;p
ReplyDeletePeople are too polite with teh crazy. A loud guffaw right on that bitch's face would've been appropriate. At least now we know what people without looks or personality have to resort to to hold someone's attention...
ReplyDelete@Agnes - China, like most (if not all) of the rest of the world, uses the same stop light system as the rest of us. They even use the same stop signs.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure that doesn't negate my point, though.
ReplyDelete(By "inherently American," I meant Americans would see it as an inherent relationship, rather than that it is inherent to U.S. vs the rest of the world. This may have been ambiguous?)
ReplyDeleteI clearly remember reading why people associate red with danger. I think it has something to do with fire.
ReplyDeleteAgnes: "Innately American associations, yes, because of our stoplight system"
ReplyDeleteluna-lena: "China, like most (if not all) of the rest of the world, uses the same stop light system as the rest of us."
Agnes: "I'm pretty sure that doesn't negate my point, though."
I'm pretty sure it does.
Ladies,
ReplyDeleteChill - you're all partially right, and partially wrong, about a subject that deserves no further scrutiny.
And I, like you, am guilty of choosing to say something vapid and confrontational rather than saying nothing.
Julie,
What happened to your awesome curls?
maybe the yellow folder was where you go when you ask about the folders, red was when you hadn't asked about the folders in a while, and blue
ReplyDeleteBlue was for brown chicken brown cow
They got hacked off due to the awesome Caribbean weather.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to think of what about my comment was so misunderstanding-inducing, and all I can come up with is that you're reading "innate" to mean "exclusive" rather than "part and parcel of."
ReplyDeleteAs for the commonality of the stoplight system disproving my point, well, we'll just have to keep disagreeing- I still think that truly universal symbols are few and far between, and that red/yellow/green=stop/wait/go or danger/ok is a cultural construct rather than a universal meaning, even if it's been widely adopted.
But then, Nikki does have a scientist fiance, so I probably never should have tried to disagree with her on this matter.