Story Submitted by Lauren:
Jeff wrote to me online. He worked in wireless sales and had some impressive travel stories to tell. We went out on a first date, which was a simple sit-down coffee affair. I had a nice time with him, and he seemed very interested in me. He asked where I worked (I'm an elementary teacher), what my dreams and aspirations were, etc. I felt comfortable with him, but after all, it was only a first date.
The following Wednesday, I was in class, and was walking from table to table, where my second-graders were working on multiplication in groups.
A knock came from my classroom doorway. When I turned to it, I saw that it was Jeff, holding a bouquet of daisies. He gave me a big grin and walked them right over to me.
I asked, "What are you doing here?'
He replied, "I wanted to surprise my best girl at work. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"
I said, "It's a school day! You're not supposed to be here. They'd call the police."
Unmoved, he shook the flowers in front of my face and said, "I brought you flowers. Some women would consider that nice."
My second graders watched the whole scene with wide-eyed interest. I took the flowers. "It is nice, Jeff. It's just that this isn't really the right time or place to—"
He grabbed the flowers back without a word, turned, and sped out of the classroom.
When I returned home that night, I discovered an email from him that read, "I cannot believe what a BITCH you are."
I thought of a dozen possible responses, but ended up with a simple, "Good luck out there."
He wrote me back, but I deleted it without opening it.
maybe i'm just uninformed as to the degree of seriousness of this problem, but it really seems to me as if you could have simply accepted the flowers, said thank you, and sent him on his way. I mean, you seemed to liked the guy. couldn't you just have explained why he shouldn't show up at your school the next time you saw him? instead it sounds like you flipped out on him. He was making a romantic gesture and you shut him down hard when you didn't need to do that. he probably didn't realize that his action was inappropriate. i mean, a gentleman shouldn't call a lady a bitch but that doesn't always mean the shoe doesn't fit.
ReplyDeleteEven if OP overreacted (and I'm not convinced she did), there is no way that shoe fits. Team OP.
ReplyDeleteMatt, seeing as she said that the school may well call the cops on him, it seems pretty darn serious to me. You don't just come in to someone's workplace after one date and expect them to drop everything for you. Jeff displayed less maturity than the 2nd graders OP was teaching, and he was certainly no gentleman.
ReplyDeleteIf they'd been dating for a couple months, I could see this as an honest mistake/romantic gesture gone wrong. After one, single date? "Moving too fast" and "lacking a sense of proportion" are the NICEST things I can say about it.
ReplyDelete(You know, I'd suggest a "What did they THINK would happen?!" tag, but I have a sense that the tag would apply to 95% of the stories here...)
That people might actually be defending this psycho makes me really, really afraid to be in the dating pool right now.
ReplyDelete^ Seriously.
ReplyDeleteWho the hell goes to someone's workplace after ONE date? It's very inconsiderate, especially since she was in the middle of teaching and the kids were working.
^ Whoops! My friend used my laptop the other day and must have logged onto her name. The above comment is actually from me!
ReplyDeleteThis is some seriously creepy behavior from someone you've only gone out with once and falls into the "Moving too fast" category.
ReplyDeleteI love your response to his email OP.
Yet another poor clueless schmuck tricked by stupid romcom movies. As a general rule of thumb, anything Hollywood considers sweet or romantic is actually creepy and stalkerish in real life.
ReplyDeleteKinda like how what Cosmo articles recommend doing is actually psychotic in real life.
OP made my day simply by having "to" in "Jeff wrote to me online." It must be an american thing not to have it, it bothers me when it isn't there.
ReplyDeleteTo some extent I agree with Mat, accept the flowers and get him out of there, get him away from the kids as fast as possible.
You know, as a teacher, she does have her professional career to worry about. On the one hand, most school don't allow random visitors to pop in whenever they like or come near the kids without a background check.I wouldn't want to be held responsible or get reprimanded because someone else has boundary issues, so yeah, I'd tell him flat out to leave just to distance myself from any culpability.
ReplyDeleteSecond, kids talk. "Hey mom, school was really weird today 'cause Ms. Suchandsuch's boyfriend came to class and gave her flowers." That sounds unprofessional in and of itself, but you know there's that one parent who listens to that and hears "Ms. Suchandsuch lets her boyfriend into our class so they can make out right in front of us." The she's got the whole PTA after her just because she played sweet with some overbearing asshole.
Not worth it. Team OP. Matt has obviously never been to a school. Ever.
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ReplyDeleteEverything about this guy gives me the creeps. From moving way too fast, to the presumptive nature of his behavior, to the over the top reaction to her trying to politely and calmly explain the situation. I won't use The Dreaded Phrase, but OP certainly was lucky to have avoided further contact with this guy. I can only imagine how much more entitled he'd feel to her time and space the further the relationship progressed, and how much worse his reaction would have been when she inevitably did something he considered rude.
ReplyDeleteThere were better ways to handle it. She ruined what could have been a good relationship because the guy was slightly overzealous.
ReplyDeletejust as a follow up, yes i have been around a school. my sister teaches at a school as a music teacher, and more than once i've dropped something by to her. never once has this been a problem, i just step in, hand over an item, and leave. I agree that it's a bad idea to make a romantic gesture at a school like this, especially after one date (although as someone mentioned, that is exactly the kind of thing that always pops up in romcoms, so if the guy is that oblivious then i guess our culture is to blame) but for all that, i still say the sensible move is to just accept the gesture as it was intended and then do a follow-up to prevent it happening again.
ReplyDeletei guess if this is an inexcusable faux pas and you can't get over it, then it was ok to halt the relationship because of this, but i really don't see it that way.
...I honestly don't see how giving her flowers at work is psychotic or stalkerish. I'd imagine that he couldn't have just waltzed into the school without someone noticing he wasn't the sort of person who was usually there; he probably would have stopped by the administration office to check in.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of someone bringing me flowers at work, and I think that if it really was a huge deal for him to have been there, then a simple "thank you, this is very sweet, I have to get back to class" would have sufficed.
Team Jeff. Everyone calm down.
After one date, I haven't even agreed that we're involved with each other yet (hell, we probably haven't even talked about that yet), nevermind being at the "my best girl" stage. It's WAY over-possessive for the current stage of their acquaintanceship. He then gets angry at her for *politely* pointing out that he could actually GET ARRESTED for being there -- she was doing him a favor, doing it nicely, and he calls her a bitch.
ReplyDeleteNah, this guy has serious issues, creepy as hell. Flowers at work is cool (hell, it's very cool) if you've made it to the exclusive-relationship stage, but not before that.
If you don't tell strangers where you live and work this can't be a problem.
ReplyDeleteI would have whispered it to him in a nice way..but what he did does not read a good future
ReplyDelete