Story Submitted by Martin:
Talia and I met online and made plans to meet for a first date at a local restaurant in the middle of town.
En route, I was stopped at a red light and glanced at my GPS. I didn't notice the light turn green and the blue SUV behind me honked about a dozen times. I drove ahead on the one-lane road, and the SUV tailgated me, honked repeatedly, and flashed its brights. I pulled over to the side to let the asshole zoom by and give me the finger out the window.
I arrived in town, parked, and made my way to the restaurant, where Talia was waiting for me. We sat down to a nice dinner, although she was quiet and seemed nervous. I did my best to engage her, and she opened up to me a bit.
I asked her if she wanted to take a walk, maybe hit up an ice cream place. She had leftovers from dinner, and asked that we stop by her car to drop them off.
She led me to a blue SUV, which was parked nearby, opened it, and put in her leftovers. With more than half a mind that she was possibly my road adversary from before, I kept my mouth shut until we were sitting down for ice cream.
"So," I said inside the parlor, "Were you in a hurry to get here tonight?"
She asked, "What do you mean?"
I said, "Because on my way here, someone in a blue SUV nearly ran me off the road."
She stared at me and froze. After what felt like five minutes, she asked, "That was you?"
I said, smiling, "Yes. What was the problem?"
"You're the problem!" she yelled.
"What?"
"That was you? You're the problem! A great big problem!"
It was then my turn to stare as she finished her ice cream, sat back, and said, "I think I'm all set. Ready to go?"
I was. We walked out together, then back to our separate vehicles, and she sped off. Between you and me, I think the problem was actually her.
...must have been quite a 'glance' at your GPS if she honked her horn about a dozen times...
ReplyDeleteHowie, I bet you honk your horn way more often than that.
ReplyDelete*badum tish*
ReplyDeleteLooks like Talia was the problem and Mister Martin dodged a bullet there. Martin doesn't need a chick who will flip him off. He'd do better with a lady who knows how to make a gentleman feel special and cared for. Never mind the empress of the @$$hats, Martin. Someday you'll find the empress of your HEART, and she'll treat you like an emperor.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I might add, what this Talia chick knows about road safety would fill an ant's mouth.
ReplyDeleteLike I said, bullet dodged.
OP was the problem, how dare he hold her accountable for her actions, why should she show even basic consideration for other people....
ReplyDeleteJMG...if by 'honk my horn' you mean 'do the knuckle-shuffle'....absolutely!
ReplyDeleteMy response would've been to slow down to the speed-limit and let the SUV sit there in rage. That's actually my usual response to angry impatient drivers--for some reason they get royally pissed when you're not angry like them.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, if someone gives you the finger, and you respond with a smile and two thumbs up, it's the best reaction ever. I'll even wave hello.
The best thing you can do is remain calm and ignore. My mother did that once when a woman tried and failed to cut her off at a toll booth. The woman screamed and even got out and hit my mother's car; my mother just ignored her while other people laughed and pointed. Good times.
ReplyDeletethis story reminds me of a scene from the movie "How to be a Serial Killer" where the serial killer was being tailgated so he got out and shot him.
ReplyDeleteAs somebody who suffers from roadrage (I once forced a cop to pull over cause he was driving like a jackass - which is why I was forced to take mandatory safe driver classes) I totally sympathize with Talia. I have nothing against people who want to drive slowly - your life is your own, so you're free to make your own decisions. I don't JUDGE them for suffering from crippling cowardice or poor reflexes. But if that's the case, they need to let faster drivers pass them at the earliest convenience. People who block others just because they CAN are utter douchebags and need to be run off the road into a tree.
ReplyDelete...is what I *would* have said before the safe driver classes, I mean. <:-D
OK, I guess I don't TOTALLY sympathize with her - the OP did pull over for her to pass, after all. But road rage is serious stuff! To somebody who has it, driving slowly in front of them is like leaning close and deliberately spitting in their eye. Provoking people like that just for kicks is super dumb, cause in those split seconds, they have almost ZERO control over their behavior, and they're behind the wheel of what is effectively a lethal weapon.
ReplyDeleteWolfdreams.. I can't tell if you're trolling or not (I hope you are).
ReplyDeleteIn my town no one seems to be able to drive. Every other car on the road swerves and can't stay in its lane, people run red lights and stop signs like it's almost a sport, and they go the absolute opposite of whatever the speed limit is (slow in fast-moving areas, fast in residential streets). It's a wonder there aren't tons of fatalities, though there are many many car accidents every day.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally trolling (I *love* trolling), but the story about forcing a cop off the road while in a road rage fit was completely true. The only reason I got safe driver classes instead of a criminal offense is because the cop was so completely enraged that he didn't do a proper arrest but instead just got out of his car at the next stoplight and starting punching my car and screaming at me. Like I said, road rage is a serious ailment for some people.
ReplyDeleteWolfie, I'm one of those assholes who has road rage, only my road rage manifests itself in passive aggressive ways, like clicking in my cruise control and going EXACTLY the speed limit on a one-lane road, ESPECIALLY ones where there's nowhere for me to pull over. That person was going to tailgate me anyway, whether I was going twenty over or doing the limit, so fuck them. I especially like doing this to rich people in nice cars. In Maryland, if someone rear ends you, even if it's not their fault, technically, they're at fault. Stickin' it to the rich is an added bonus.
ReplyDelete^same here. If people are polite, I'll gladly let them pass, but aggressive tailgaters really annoy me; and where I live there are tons of long roads with few passing zones :)
ReplyDelete