Living in the Pasta

Story Submitted by Rhiannon:

Tony messaged me online and included a claim that he was an amazing cook. I wrote back that I'd have to sample his cooking sometime. We talked a bit over the phone before I was comfortable enough to go out on a date with him.

"Want to come over to my place?" he asked, "I'll make you my famous fettucini alfredo."

I replied, "No thanks. Let's save it for a future date."

He went on, "Or I can just bring you the fettucini. You don't have to come to my place at all."

"That's okay. Thanks anyway."

"Why not? I'm willing to cook it for you."

I didn't like the idea of accepting home-cooked food from a person I had only just met. Maybe I was paranoid. Regardless, I tried as best as I could to delicately turn him down.

In the days leading up to the date, he must have asked me close to a dozen times if I wanted to try his fettucini. I politely refused each time, and each time he asked me to explain my reasoning.  It was all variations of, "I'd rather just have a simple first date with no expectations, and asking me to try your cooking might be a little too much at first."

Each time I said that, he seemed to understand, only to ask me again the next time we spoke.  I made it as clear as I could that I didn't want him to bring me anything.

The night of the date, we met in front of a restaurant, and wouldn't you know it, he brought me a container of his fettucini alfredo!

He said, "I know you told me not to go to the trouble, but it was honestly no trouble and I know you'll love it."  He popped open the container, pulled out a plastic fork, and handed it to me.

"No," I said, "I'm not going to try it."

"Just try it," he said, "It's my famous fettucini alfredo," then grabbed a forkful and shoved it towards my face.  It was at that point that I lost my cool.  I had tried being patient, I had tried explaining it to him over and over, but he just didn't get it.

I hit the fork out of his hand and yelled, "I said no!  I told you a hundred times this week that I didn't want to try your fettucini on a first date!  What's so difficult to understand about that?"

He yelled back, "Then nobody gets any!" and he slammed the container onto the ground where it burst open, partially spraying my nearby ankles with alfredo sauce.  I screamed and jumped back, and he stomped away.

Several heads turned toward me on the sidewalk.  I practically ran back to my car and drove home.


  1. You know what else is white and liquidy...

    White-out. Betcha he wanted you to eat White-out.

  2. ^Way to take the high road. I was gonna go for semen.

    I can get your overreaction, even though it was a bit much, but seriously, there's something supremely sketchy about insisting that a girl you've never met in person before eat your home-cooked food.

  3. And not just any food, but specifically his fettuccine alfredo...


  4. Any time someone pushes that hard to ignore your stated boundaries, there is no such thing as an overreaction.

  5. Another case of ABadCaseofSorryICouldntHearYouOverMyBlaringThoughts!

    a.k.a. cognitive dissonance - it's all the rage right now.

  6. Yeah, my hard and fast rule of thumb is that anyone who refuses to graciously accept a "no" gets immediately cut loose. It's pasta now, but what will it be a few months down the road? My first no is polite. My second is an impolite warning. If someone tries to make me say it again, I'd tell him "forget it, we're done."

    This is practically up there with Godwin's Law, but read "The Gift of Fear." Refusing to hear "no" is a giant red flag of a very controlling personality, and no good can come of allowing such a person into your life.

  7. Kat, I was definitely thinking about that book when I wrote my comment! I don't like his attitude towards victims of DV, but the rest of the book is spot-on.


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