Living in the Pasta

Story Submitted by Rhiannon:

Tony messaged me online and included a claim that he was an amazing cook. I wrote back that I'd have to sample his cooking sometime. We talked a bit over the phone before I was comfortable enough to go out on a date with him.

"Want to come over to my place?" he asked, "I'll make you my famous fettucini alfredo."

I replied, "No thanks. Let's save it for a future date."

He went on, "Or I can just bring you the fettucini. You don't have to come to my place at all."

"That's okay. Thanks anyway."

"Why not? I'm willing to cook it for you."

I didn't like the idea of accepting home-cooked food from a person I had only just met. Maybe I was paranoid. Regardless, I tried as best as I could to delicately turn him down.

In the days leading up to the date, he must have asked me close to a dozen times if I wanted to try his fettucini. I politely refused each time, and each time he asked me to explain my reasoning.  It was all variations of, "I'd rather just have a simple first date with no expectations, and asking me to try your cooking might be a little too much at first."

Each time I said that, he seemed to understand, only to ask me again the next time we spoke.  I made it as clear as I could that I didn't want him to bring me anything.

The night of the date, we met in front of a restaurant, and wouldn't you know it, he brought me a container of his fettucini alfredo!

He said, "I know you told me not to go to the trouble, but it was honestly no trouble and I know you'll love it."  He popped open the container, pulled out a plastic fork, and handed it to me.

"No," I said, "I'm not going to try it."

"Just try it," he said, "It's my famous fettucini alfredo," then grabbed a forkful and shoved it towards my face.  It was at that point that I lost my cool.  I had tried being patient, I had tried explaining it to him over and over, but he just didn't get it.

I hit the fork out of his hand and yelled, "I said no!  I told you a hundred times this week that I didn't want to try your fettucini on a first date!  What's so difficult to understand about that?"

He yelled back, "Then nobody gets any!" and he slammed the container onto the ground where it burst open, partially spraying my nearby ankles with alfredo sauce.  I screamed and jumped back, and he stomped away.

Several heads turned toward me on the sidewalk.  I practically ran back to my car and drove home.