"Everything" Is Only Okay on Bagels

Story Submitted by Lawrence:

Through a good chunk of my 20s, I was into pot.  What got me out of it for good was my date with Cynthia.

I met Cynthia at a party, and she was also into it.  We talked for a while and I asked her if she wanted to hang out, smoke up, and chill out on a night that weekend.  I thought she was cute, and I wanted to get to know her better.

That Friday, she came over to my place, I put some music on in the basement, I set out some chips, we sat down on my sofa, and she pulled out a bag of weed.

She packed her pipe and handed it to me.  She said, "You've got to try this stuff.  It's like nothing you've had before."

I'd heard that before, and such claims, in my experience, were usually overblown.  This time, though, I took a hit of her stuff and it wasn't long before I felt my brain throb in a way it never had before.  Clearly, it wasn't just pot that I was smoking.  I couldn't even stand up.

"What the hell is in that stuff?" I heard myself ask.

She replied, "I'm going to crawl under your sofa."

There was only about four inches of space between the floor and the bottom of my sofa.  She tried to shove herself within that space, but it wasn't happening.  Again, I asked, "What in the name of Jehoshaphat is in that weed?"

She removed herself from my sofa, leaned over me, and said, "It's probably laced... with everything."  Then she did some weird clicking noises with her throat and fell backwards against the floor.

I didn't remember anything else until late the following afternoon.  My head felt as though it had been ripped open, and Cynthia lay next to me, face down.  She was breathing, and I tried to wake her, but she was totally out for the count.

I was really afraid that she was going to die, so I called 911 and long story short, she turned out fine after a few days in the hospital.  All I had was a bad headache that was gone by Sunday.

I'm not sure why she had such a bad reaction, but it scared me enough to stop altogether.


  1. The first time I smoked pot, my little brother's best friend had bought it off a sketchy dealer. Turns out, I smoked chronic. I hallucinated that I was a pink cartoon daisy. Best high of my life.

  2. You had to be high to use the term "Jehoshaphat"...

  3. I'm a total square. Never tried any drugs, not even a cigarette. I don't even drink much.

  4. Always know your supplier and most importantly, know your weed!

  5. Drugs are bad. Mmmmmm kay.

  6. Bodhi, exactly. Parents tell their little kids not to take candy from strangers, but they don't also tell their big kids not to take drugs from strangers.

  7. "What in the name of Jehoshaphat is in that weed?"

    I assume you're in your 90s now?

  8. "I put some music on in the basement, I set out some chips, we sat down on my sofa"

    If that doesn't melt panties I don't know what will.

  9. Nice work posting this on 4/20, Jared!

  10. This is why I only inject heroin directly into my eyeball. Much safer.


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