Ice Guys Finish Last

Story Submitted by Erica:

Back in my early twenties, I was on a first date with Steve.  He  took me ice skating at a local pond near his house.  We each owned our own pair of skates, and I looked forward to it, although I was a bit cautious.  I asked him, "Have you skated there before?  Is the ice thick?"

He said, "I skate there every winter, and I've been there once already this season.  It's thick as thick can be."

We started at his house, then walked to the pond and had been skating for a little while (near the edge of the pond, just in case) when I heard a crack beneath my feet.  I stopped and stared at Steve, who was about three yards away and closer to the shore.

He said, "Holy shit, the ice is thin!" and booked it for the shore without a backward glance at me.  The ice cracked underneath him as he went.

I slowly bent down, unlaced my skates, took them off, and made my way to the shore as slowly and carefully as I could.  Steve wasn't even there, waiting for me.  I walked back to his house where I found him wrapped in a blanket in his living room, drinking a mug of hot chocolate.

He turned to me when I walked in and said, "Thank god.  I was hoping you'd be okay."

"Go to hell," I said, then left his house and returned home, never to see that asshole again.


  1. You know, I can't really blame a guy for panicking and racing back to shore, especially for those with a phobia of drowning. I can, however, blame a guy for rushing back to shore, back home, into his kitchen to make hot chocolate, then to his living room, all the while "hoping she'd be okay."

  2. ^that.

    "It's thick as thick can be."...that's what she said.

  3. Hahahahahaha, oh my god, he just left you? That's so horrible it's hilarious.

  4. Steve's head: something else that's "thick as thick can be."

  5. But he was racing to drink the hot chocolate as fast as he could so that he could get back as soon as possible to rescue you in case you were drowning!

  6. "I heard a crack beneath my feet. I stopped and stared at Steve"
    She stopped and stared?! Don't stop silly woman, you get the heck out of there!

  7. "She stopped and stared?! Don't stop silly woman, you get the heck out of there!"

    Yeah, because that worked so well for Steve.

  8. ^ Considering he made it home safe and alive I'd say, yes. Yes it did.


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