Hell Called. You're Late.

Email Submitted by Jeff:

I'm pleased to read that you're active. I just competed in a walk for hunger, a walk for suicide and a walk for breast cancer! If only walking cured all these things! Instead people do. or don't. Which is why we have walks!

They say that people walk to feel good about themselves but we know this is bullshit. They give out some good free stuff at the walks and sometimes you even get paid for it! I got candles and umbrellas at the last one. Sometimes they even give you more stuff if you say you know someone with cancer or dead or whatever.

Anyway, write me back. We should go on one of these and get to know each other better.



  1. I don't get this one, what's wrong with it? Maybe it's a little forward to try to rope him into a charity walk right in the first email, but nothing ABCOTD-worthy.

  2. "Assuming, of course, you're callous like me. Callous and fit. 'Cause fitness is important."

  3. A cure for suicide?? Or...a cure for depression?

  4. @Andrew

    "Sometimes they even give you more stuff if you say you know someone with cancer or dead or whatever."

  5. Did anyone else catch that she "competed" in these walks?

  6. Andrew - I think the ABCOTD-worthiness is in that she is trying to present herself as datable, but comes over as a callous (thanks Churro), hypocritical, and stupid.

  7. I also like the wording- not "to end hunger/cancer/suicide," but "for hunger/cancer/suicide." Go hunger! Rah rah rah!

  8. Faith in humanity dwindling, dwindling!

    Ah who am I kidding, I didn't have any to begin with.


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