4/24/2011

The Devil's in the Details

Story Submitted by Dave:

Kendra's dating site handle was "lil_devil_121."  I wrote her, made conversation, and asked her about it.

"It's because I'm a troublemaker, a little devil," she wrote back.  I asked her to elaborate, and she replied, "You'll see."

On the date, she showed up wearing almost all red and a pair of light-up devil horns. 

"Oh, I get it," I said, "'Lil devil.  Great."

"Because I'm a little devil!" she informed me.  I expected her to remove the light-up horns, but she didn't.  She walked right into the restaurant, and the hostess asked us, "You guys coming from a costume party?"

"Yes," I said.

"No," Kendra corrected, "I'm just a little devil."

"Great," the hostess said, then led us to a table a bit away from the main dining area.

Kendra kept the horns on all through dinner, and she wouldn't shut up about how much of a "'lil devil" she was:

"My father called me that when I was two, and the nickname stuck.  Now my brothers, grandparents, and friends all call me that."

"And what do you do that's so devilish?"

She looked around the table, then stood up and said, "Be right back."

She returned in about 10 minutes with some sort of package wrapped up for me in toilet paper.  I unwrapped it, and it was sticks, leaves, and pine needles.  I looked up at her and she said, "I'm a 'lil devil!  Got to love me!"

"Thanks," I said, then collected them in a pile and moved them off the table.

"Eat them," she said.

"No thanks."

She narrowed her eyes, then tapped her flashing devil horns with her finger, which I think she meant as a kind of threat.  I smiled and said, "I'm not planning on eating them, but thanks for bringing them all the same."

"Refusing my gift is punishable by death," she warned me.

"I'll take my chances."

She barely said a word to me for the rest of dinner.  When we parted ways afterward, she commented, "The devil's going to jam you in the ass."

After that nice sentiment, it's a wonder that I never contacted her again.

12 comments:

  1. OK, we've just met the Empress of the @$$hats. A woman in an adult age group appearing for a social engagement wearing a make-believe dress-up accessory such as a little girl of four, five or six would wear for Halloween or playing Let's Pretend, demanding that her new acquaintance eat what is basically dirt, or at least not food.
    DIAGNOSIS: MATURITY PROBLEM!

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  2. @Sparkina:
    We met the "Empress of @$$hats" when you started commenting here.

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  3. And apparently, Lulu, you're vying for her crown.

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  4. Ok everybody... relax... breathe in, breathe out; breathe in, breathe out;

    It's just a bad date, that's all.

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  5. I wonder if anyone ever actually ate the snacks offered by this particular little devil, she seemed so surprised that he didn't...

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  6. Really? No comments on her last statement?

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  7. Hellooo..I'm the emperor of the @$$hats and you guys haven't been showing up to our weekly meetings lately.

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  8. Aww man! I was hoping for another of those A Bad Case of the Almost Getting Sacrificed By A Cult stories.

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  9. @cereja Leaves and sticks ain't snacks :-)

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  10. "Li'l", dammit, not "'lil"! The apostrophe goes in the place where the letters are missing. So Li(tt)l(e) > Li'l.

    ReplyDelete

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