4/25/2011

What a Teas

Story Submitted by Dan:

Beatrice and I arranged for a first date at a tea house.  I ordered a decaf oolong and she picked out Earl Grey.  "I've wanted to try this place forever," she informed me as we sat down at a table near the counter.

We spoke for a little while as our teas cooled to a good drinking temperature.  She sipped at hers, wrinkled her nose, then stood up and carried her tea to the barista.

"Excuse me," she said, "You gave me the wrong tea.  This is obviously rooibos.  I wanted Earl Grey."

The barista took the tea, opened its lid, smelled it, and said, "I'm pretty sure this is Earl Grey."

Beatrice said, "I'm a professional taster.  I think I know how Earl Grey tastes better than a barista."

The barista said, "Let me exchange it for you, then."

After a few moments, the barista handed Beatrice another cup of piping hot tea.  Beatrice returned to our table, we talked a little bit more, she sipped her tea, said, "Son of a bitch," stood up, and returned to the barista.

Beatrice asked her, "Can I speak to your manager?"

The barista said, "I'm the manager."

Beatrice said, "That's surprising, given that you've twice fucked up my order."  She then raised her voice, like a tourist who yells at a native as if the native will be able to understand now that the volume is cranked up: "I want Earl Grey.  Not rooibos.  Not rooibos.  Understand?"

The barista smiled and said, "That is Earl Grey, Miss.  I'm afraid I can't do another exchange."

Beatrice said, "I'm a professional taster, as I think I mentioned before.  This is rooibos.  I want Earl Grey.  Earl Grey."

The barista shrugged and said, "I don't know what to tell you.  That's definitely Earl Grey."

Beatrice turned to me and asked, "Do you know what Earl Grey tastes like?"

I said, "Probably not as well as you do."

Another patron, who sat nearby, a tall guy in glasses, said, "I'll try it."  He took the cup, sipped it, and placed it on the counter.  "Tastes like Earl Grey to me."

"It's not Earl Grey!" Beatrice said, louder than necessary.  She swiveled to me and said, "We're leaving."  She then turned back to the barista and said, "I hope that you've heard of the Better Business Bureau."

The barista said, "We have one of their stickers in our window," and she pointed.

Beatrice said, "Expect a call from them," and she walked out, faster than I could stand up to follow her.

I mumbled a "Sorry" to the barista, put on my coat, grabbed my tea, and pursued Beatrice outside.  Only thing was, she wasn't there when I made it there.  I don't know where she went or why she didn't wait, but I never heard from her again, although I still do give my business to that tea shop.  They didn't mess up my tea, after all.  Or hers, so it seemed.

19 comments:

  1. I am the 'Beatrice' from this story and, quite frankly, I'm disgusted! That unwashed ogre of a barista most certainly served me redbush tea, and this outrageously unsympathetic portrayal of the incident has been motivation for me to take my complaint right to the very top! That tea house will not be open for much longer, I assure you!

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  2. No, I'm the girl in the story. I am taking this to the White house. Maybe Downing Street.

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  3. Why did you even follow her? I'd have just stayed and enjoyed my tea :)

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  4. Hi, I'm the girl from the story, but I'm a man, in all actuality. I thought Dan would have figured it out by the goatee, but oh well.

    Anyway, as you can see from this story, I am utterly insane. Please someone, get me help.

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  5. I thought the same thing Sarah. I wouldn't want too many people to associate me with her!

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  6. Another idiot who tries to pin blame on everyone but themselves when they order something something they don't like.

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  7. Hi, I'm the patron with the glasses in the story. The girl was a jerk, couldn't tell earl grey from hot tap water, and kept mispronouncing "rooibos".

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  8. Hi, I'm the barista....I fucked up her order on purpose because she was a cunt to me the first time. Yes, it was rooibos.

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  9. Another messed up way to get out of a date?

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  10. Careful Howie, you'll piss Rachel off with that language...

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  11. Wasn't this already posted a long time ago? It seems really familiar.

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  12. ^ There have been a couple of stories here that take place in a tea house, but this is a new one.

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  13. I have to say. This is the best comment thread in a long time. Thanks for making me laugh.

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  14. Reinforces my thought that everyone in the US needs to work retail or food service at least one Christmas season. October through February they need to work in a heavy-traffic mall making just over minimum wage at 48+ hour weeks.

    Those who have these jobs are not personal door mats. The only thing Beatrice is, professionally, is a total asshole.

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  15. ^ YES!

    It has long been my opinion that EVERYONE, not just the US needs to work Retail for a minimum 6 months as a learning experience.

    Maybe people would be less likely to act like whiny children if they had.

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  16. Hello. I am the first cup of tea in this story. When Beatrice put me to her lips, she transferred an STD into me. Scared, I peed myself, resulting in an "off" taste that could be called Rooibos-like. I apologize.

    The second cup of tea was my cousin and I think he peed himself on purpose because he's just an ass.

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  17. You guys are awesome! I'm always nice to people in the service industry. My only experience was running a concession stand once a week for a community center, but that was interesting enough.

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