¡Cuidado Llamas!

Story Submitted by Norma:

Ryan was a gregarious guy who worked in computer networking, and we had met online.  He and I were taking a walk after brunch on our first date when he turned to me and asked, "Do you know the sound a llama makes when it mates?"

I searched my memories, but wouldn't you know it, I couldn't recall if I knew the answer to his question.  I said, "No."

He replied, "It sounds a lot like a person.  It's creepy."

"I see.  And why would you ask?"

He said, "If we end up in bed, I'd want you to know that it was me and not a llama."

"You'd be surprised," he said, "People are very similar to llamas."  We happened to be walking past a bakery, and he said, "Wait right here," and went inside.

A minute later, he emerged with a cinnamon roll and ate the entire thing, right in front of me.  He asked, "What do you think of that?"

I replied, "I think you're a little strange."

He said, "Fuck you, llama hater."

I was at a loss for words, then was able to say, "I don't get what you're saying."

He rolled his eyes, took my hand, and said, "Let's walk a bit more.  It will all become clear to you."

We walked another 10 minutes in silence, and ended up back at his car.  He said, "Well, goodnight," then kissed my cheek.  It was about 1pm.  He entered his car and drove away.  I guessed that he wasn't interested and came up with that cockamamie scheme to end the date, but he texted me three times over the next two days, asking me out to see a movie.  I ignored his messages.


  1. I vote that ABCotD commenters adopt "llama hater" as the new c-bomb. Or, for that matter, as the new any-other-insult. I think its ridiculosity fits our aesthetic perfectly.

  2. All the llama sex clips I found on youtube were set to music, so none of them featured the llama's O-sounds. However, I did find this to give you a sample of what llamas in general sound like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfBOhqyR3qg&feature=related

  3. Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2l6I6AQ9j4o&feature=related

    I dunno, the growl n' puff has never been a part of my husband's routine.

  4. There is lots of llama amateur sex clips for the aficionados apparently - e.g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_QEx7gXalI - with sound too, but I don't know if orgasm is reached... it's so much easier to recognise it when there's a cum shot, or lots of fake screaming.

  5. This immediately made me think of Emperor's New Groove.

  6. My sister has llamas, and they totally do not sound like humans at any point in time.


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