But Who Will Beat Yours?

Email Submitted by Candice:

My brother and I were reading online profiles and we both agreed that you're hot. I wrote you before he did, though! Could be because I beat his ass and locked Ron in the closet. He's banging away on the door as you read this.....

I'm 24, am jacked like a brahma bull, and like reading, long walks at the beach. I'm sensitive too though. I'll hold your hand or watch some stupid movie or eat potato skins when you're guilty and feeling sad or fat or whatever. Were you in a sorority?

Back now. Miss me? My brother called my parents on his cellphone! Jackass. I let him out but I told him I was writing you. He said it was alright since he knew someone hotter. I beat his ass again for insulting your honor.

I await,


  1. 24 = 14? We all know that internet years are like dog years...

  2. I thought this was going to turn out like the one where the two friends each wrote to the girl on behalf of the other.

  3. I'm always looking for that special man to eat potato skins with me when I'm guilty.

  4. I'll admit it...I'd write the guy back.


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