Phony Calls

Story Submitted by Belle:

Graham and I were out to dinner at a restaurant on our first date. He was loud and obnoxious, although I was willing to give him a chance, that is, until his phone rang.

To my surprise, he picked it up. "Hey, Yoki!" he shouted into the phone, "I'm on that date. That date!" he reached across the table and touched my hand. I drew it away. 

He winked at me and continued into the phone: "Oh, she's fine. Her ass?" he looked at me and asked, "Hey, stand up for a sec?"

I shook my head. He said into the phone, "No go on the ass, my friend. She's a feisty one." He winked at me again and I felt nauseous. He went on, "I know, that is a good sign."

Under the table, I texted a friend of mine: "Call me with an emergency asap."

Graham went on, "Yah, man. I'd totally suck the piss out of her." He winked at me again. My phone rang. I answered it. It was my friend with her "emergency."

I said to Graham, "I'm so sorry. I have to go. My friend has an emergency."

"What?" Graham said to me, then into his phone, "She says she's got an emergency. Hang on," he looked back at me, "What?"

"An emergency," I repeated, "I have to—"

"What, man?" he asked Yoki over the phone. He turned back to me and said, "Is this for real? Yoki says for me to make sure that it's a legit emergency."

I said, "My friend's calling from the emergency room. Her parents are out of state. I was going to spend the night at her house. I really have to go."

Firmly hammering the final nail into his coffin, Graham asked, "I thought that you were going to spend the night with me."

Fighting the urge to rip his face off, I stood up and said, "I'm really sorry about this."

He said into his phone, "Yoki, I'll call you back... what? Ha! That's right man, that's goddamn right!"

I left him there and then. How long he remained on the phone, chatting with his pal Yoki, I'll never know. He contacted me several times after that, but his messages were routinely ignored.


  1. Maybe that was his version of an 'emergency call'?

  2. I doubt it. Back where I used to work we had all kinds of people coming in to interview some WAY to attached to their cellphones. Like texting while answering questions during the interview level of attached.

    And for a place that did not allow cellphones on the sales floor, they would have definitely had a problem with that.

  3. Uh, why did she even bother with an "emergency call?" I would have just left.

    'Graham went on, "Yah, man. I'd totally suck the piss out of her."'


  4. ^This.

    I'd have told him he was a shithead and just got up and left. No intervention needed.

  5. Yeah, I don't see why an asshole "deserves" a soft let-down.

    "We're obviously incompatible. I don't see the point in further wasting our time."

    There's not much of an argument he can raise about that, and it gets you out in 5 seconds rather than the 2 minutes it takes to convince him that you "really" have an emergency.

    Just walk. You owe him nothing.

  6. Did anyone else notice the perfect choice in changed names for the story? Graham, Belle?

  7. It would have been funnier if the friend's name was "Alexander".


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