You've Been Loafed, Son!

Story Submitted by Tom:

Sandy and I met up in a park on our first date. She took out a cigarette and asked me if I wanted one.

"I don't smoke," I told her.

She lit hers up and blew smoke right into my face. "You do, now," she said, "How about it?"

I ineffectively fanned the smoke away from my face and stepped away from her. I said, "I'm good, and please don't do that."

She leaned close to me and breathed out, again, in my face. "It's a free country," she said, "I can do what I—"

I coughed loudly in her face. She jumped back but I stayed with her through the entire coughing fit. Her hands flew up, over her face, and she shouted, "Dude, stop coughing at me!"

I stopped coughing and said, "It's a free country. I can cough where I want."

She laughed, put out her cigarette, and said, "Now you're being immature. There's no reason to be immature."

"And blowing smoke in my face is mature?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "It's time for bread. Come with me."

I followed her to a market where she bought a loaf of Wonder Bread. Once we were outside, she turned to me, said, "It's time for bread," and she whacked me in the face with the loaf.

By the time I had recovered from the shock of the thing, she was skipping away, halfway down the block. Needless to say, it was out first and last date.


  1. Oh snap! A drive-by loafin'! I applaud your courage to even WRITE about this.

  2. "I followed her to a market"

    In the hopes that she'd later have sex with you? Why would you bother?

  3. While she's a jackass, I kinda liked the bread smacking. Creative.

  4. It's time for vegetables...
    and you should have given her a good beet-ing!

  5. OP followed her to the market? he walked right into that one. Next time use your loaf!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.