Why They're Sold in Separate Aisles

Story Submitted by James:

Ellen and I were out to dinner and were in the middle of a conversation over our food when she stopped talking and sniffed her right armpit, then her left one.

"Phew," she said, "Excuse me a sec," and she stood up with her purse and went to the bathroom.  I thought it was weird, but as I hadn't smelled her myself, I couldn't tell if her actions were warranted.

She returned smelling like she had poured a bottle of air freshener all over herself.  "I'm back, and much better," she said.  The new scent was overpowering, like concentrated ammonia, but floral-scented.  I found it hard to breathe, and my eyes watered.  She noticed pretty quickly and asked, "What's wrong?"

I said, "Something smells like a thousand rose gardens, all crammed into a single scent."

She smiled and said, "You like it?  Cheaper than perfume."  She pulled out a red mini-can of air freshener from her purse, and sprayed some on her neck and blouse.

"No!  God, please!" I shouted, maybe a bit too loudly.

"What's wrong?  You don't like it, now?"

I had to breathe through my mouth, but even that was terrible, as the air was thick and misty with the aroma.  I excused myself to go outside for a few moments.

When I came back, her food was bagged up and she was putting money on the table.  I asked her, "What's wrong?"

She stood up and said, "I don't need dramatics.  Have a nice life," and left me, there and then.

I was glad that she left, as she would be taking the smell with her.  Still, the air was full of it, and I paid as quickly as I could for my part of the meal and left.


  1. At least she paid for her part of the meal.

  2. True story: I work with only women...at one point there were NINE different cans of air freshener in our bathroom. Nine. Seriously, the array of fake gardens, oceans, meadows, and fruity mixed drinks was worse than anything that could ever warrant such products in the restroom.

  3. haha Rachel! I work with all women, too. I couldn't take sitting on a toilet seat that was soaked in air freshener anymore, so I took every bottle and hid it around the office.

  4. My old roommate used to spray air freshener that smelled awful whenever she'd go to the bathroom, instead of smelling like it smells when anyone goes to the bathroom, it smelled like flowery toxic poo... Air freshener is evil!


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