Very Special Relativity

E-mail Submitted by Michelle:

We had a beautiful night of passion together.  I made you breakfast the next morning and you were smiling the whole time.  Right up until you started crying, you were smiling.  Then you left with a promise to keep in touch...

That was three years ago.  Where the fuck did you go and why'd you leave me and lie?

Then I looked you up and did Internet searches.  Oh I see you're engaged.  Were you engaged back then?  I bet you were.  Maybe I should tell your fucking fiancee that you cheated on him with me.  Even if you weren't with him yet, all time is a moment so you were and are forever cheating on him with me.

I'm planning to delete this message without sending it to you.  I really fucking hate you, but I love you, too.  Do you know what that feels like?  I bet not because you're heartless.  But maybe you do.  I don't know.  Come back to me and I'll make you "breakfast" again.

Your lovebitch,


  1. Are we missing some backstory here or something?

  2. Do we really need some backstory?

  3. Well, it certainly feels like she cheated on her fiancé... but I would have liked a rebuttal from Michelle.

  4. Yeah, I'd like to know the whole story on this.

  5. You shouldn't have made her 'piggies in a blanket' for breakfast...she already had that with you the night prior.

  6. There are some pretty emotional and needy guys out there. This email doesn't surprise me at all.

  7. ^ WoW...newsflash: it works with both sexes...hope that doesn't surprise you!

  8. I had really hoped that OP would have included a note at the bottom like so many of our other email recipients do whether or not she had actually dated this guy (at the very least) and why she cried/left him.

  9. So she cheated us by not including one?

    Sounds like someone has an M.O.

  10. To me, this comes across a little more like a creepy blackmail threat.
    "Even if you weren't with him yet, all time is a moment so you were and are forever cheating on him with me."

    It's entirely plausible she was cheating, but it could just be that this raisincake is threatening to break them up without knowing the timeline of events. Either way, creep-tastic.


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