Upsides and Downsides

Story Submitted by Annie:

I was out with Simon at a Legal Seafood.  The first thing he looked at was the dessert menu.  He said, "I always order dessert first, to make sure I have room for it."  I thought it was unusual and quirky, but didn't have any kind of problem with it.

"Shit," he said, after staring at the dessert list for a few minutes.  He called a waiter over and asked, "Do you not have pineapple upside-down cake?"

The waiter said, "I'm sorry, sir.  We don't."

Once the waiter left, Simon asked me, "Do you mind if we go somewhere else?  I really want pineapple upside-down cake."

He was serious, and I asked, "Do you know of a place that would have it?"

He said, "Someone in town must."

"I'm a little hungry."

"We'll find a place.  Promise.  We'll check out the menus before sitting down, from now on.  You know what it's like to get a craving, I'm sure."

I did, but I also wasn't the type to let it interfere with my life.  We left Legal and strolled down a few main streets, checking the menu at each.  No one had pineapple upside-down cake, and I was becoming less and less patient.

We had been walking for close to an hour when I said, "How about a diner?  They have a million types of cakes and pies for dessert."

He said, "Diner desserts are usually mass-produced crap."

I said, "I'd think that if you're that desperate for something, that any option would do, in a pinch."

We visited a diner, and behold!  Pineapple upside-down cake!  I ordered a sandwich, and he, a slice of cake.

I engulfed my sandwich, and he took two bites of the cake, made a face, and pushed it away from himself.  "Ugh," he said, "This tastes like fucking fruitcake.  Have you ever eaten fucking fruitcake?  This tastes like it."

I said, "If you want to go out in search of another place with better pineapple upside-down cake, then I'm not coming with you."

"Why not?"

"Because it's ludicrous.  You could have made your own in the amount of time it took us to find this place and sit down."

He stared at me, said, "Someone's selfish," then stood up and put a crumpled handful of singles on the counter.

"You?" I asked.  He didn't answer, and he left.  I ended up finishing his cake, and you know what?  It tasted great.


  1. Haha. Good for you.

  2. The real fail here is pineapple in a cake.

  3. "I must have my pineapple upside-down cake" is code for "I'm going to cheat on you with men."


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