Jurassic Punk

Story Submitted by Roy:

Back when I was just out of college, I met Angela.  She was good company, but seemed nervous, as if a loud clap would make her jump a mile high.  We were at dinner, on our first date, and we somehow got on the topic of our biggest fears.  She asked me what mine was and I replied, "I don't know.  Death, maybe."

She said, "Mine's getting eaten by dinosaurs."

I said, "That's an easy fear to have."

She shook her head and sighed.  "Not anymore.  There a tribe in Africa that says that a family of dinosaurs lives in the forest near their village and eats their babies."

"I'm sure they're mistaken."

She said, "No, anthropologists have gone down and asked them to describe the dinosaurs, and they all report long-necked lizards.  They're dinosaurs."

Remembering what I did about dinosaurs, I recalled that the long-necked ones, sauropods, were herbivores.  I said, "I don't think that the long-necked ones ate meat."

"It's been millions of years," she said, "Maybe they evolved to."

I said, "Well thank goodness you live far away from Africa.  Unless they also evolved to make boats.  They might be coming for you."

"Stop it!" she yelled, louder than necessary, "It really freaks me out!"

"Are you serious?"

She nodded and said, "If there's one family of them, there's probably more than one.  They're breeding, and it's only a matter of time before they rear their heads again.  Nothing can kill them!"

After dinner, we decided to go for a walk around the town.  It was dark out, but there were plenty of streetlights and other people around.  After about fifteen minutes, we passed in front of a park with plenty of trees.  I stopped and stared within, and squinted my eyes, as if I saw something amiss.

"What is it?" she asked me, bending close.

I couldn't resist.  It was too good a joke.  I turned to her and yelled, "Fuck, it's a dinosaur!  Run!"

She screamed and ran down the street as if a pack of Velociraptors were after her.  As I watched, she leaped over a low fence, ran onto someone's property, and kept going.

This was close to ten years ago.  I never saw her again.  The dinosaurs probably got her, after all.

She might have been referring to this.


  1. This made my day!

  2. I don't blame you for never seeing her again, but I'm not sure if terrifying the mentally ill is the best course of action...

  3. I'm irrationally afraid of lamphreys and boat propellers. Therefore, I don't go anywhere near the ocean. I do not expect that the lamphreys and boats will come after me. This person is clearly mentally disturbed.

  4. OP sounds like a jerk. Obviously you weren't going to ask for another date. Why not just end the date graciously?
    Irrational fears are...irrational, but they are still very real. What you considered a joke, this girl took seriously. Whether she's crazy isn't the point. No class, OP.

  5. I think she had lesbo tendencies and was really afraid of that female dino, the Lickalotapuss

  6. Even though the OP is awesome for having done what he did, the fact remains that dinosaurs are very dangerous, so you all can laugh now but if you find yourselves in the jaws of a T-Rex you won't think it's so funny.

  7. It doesn't matter. Yes they are irrational. They are still fears. Causing someone to experience fear, even if it is irrational, is wrong. Kind of like stepping on ants, just because you can...

  8. I don't think anyone could dispute that the OP was being a bit mean. But he was being mean in a hilarious way, and that makes it Awesome.

  9. I too am afraid of dinosaurs, curse you Jurassic Park velociraptors!

  10. The irrational shouldn't be coddled. Save for cases of PTS, poking a little fun at eachother's fears helps keep us sane, humble and a little better grounded. You may not be able to overcome your near-crippling fear of quadriplegic hang-gliding midgets, but the least you can do is have a grudging humor about it.

  11. ^ what Kam said.

  12. That was just plain rotten of you!!


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