From Whence These Footprints Atop My Mount?

Story Submitted by Chris:

Donna and I met through common friends.  She and I were both into role-playing (games and live action) which, at least for me, had always been a difficult mutual interest to find in my relationships.  We spoke over the phone for a few days before setting up a date.

While planning for the date, I wanted to keep it nice and simple: a meeting at a coffee shop.  Average, ordinary, and all about each other.

I showed up in nice pants and a shirt.  She arrived in full Renaissance Faire regalia, complete with a tiara, gown, and boots.  I wasn't expecting that, but I guess it was her way of impressing me.  I have to say, I admired her devotion, especially as it apparently outweighed mine.

"Greetings, squire," she said to me, and curtsied.

"Hi, Donna.  Nice to see you again."

"Whyfore do you not arrive in garb?"

"I dressed for a date, not for the Faire.  You look good, though."

She curtsied and said, "On with the libations?"

She attracted the requisite looks from other customers, but neither of us cared much.  We sat down with our coffees and talked, her in her best old English approximation and myself in my best 21st-century-eastern-seaboard dialect.  She didn't break character once.  Not even when a little kid came over to ask her if there was a Faire in town.

"Sadly not, young thane!" she said, "I am but visiting with my comrade this day."

Our conversation died not long after, as I felt as though I wasn't really getting to know her so much as her character.  I asked her about her job, and she said, "I defend the realm against the serpent invasion."  I asked her about her family and she replied, "They dwell in a valley beyond the Misty Mountains."  I inquired about her education, and she said, "Damsels in the outlands must self-educate or not learn at all!"

She didn't ask me much about myself, and so I became tired of her and ended the date less than an hour after it began.

The real show came when we parted ways in the parking lot, though.  I hugged her goodbye and said, "Maybe I could hang out with the real Donna sometime."

She said, "Lady Donna is the real Donna!  Hence and ho!"  She kissed me on either cheek, then stepped onto a nearby car's front bumper, onto its hood, walked on top of the roof, and then lowered herself onto the rear bumper and back down to the ground.  She then repeated the process on another car, and then another as she climbed away and into the phoenix-fire sunset.

Haven't asked her out since.


  1. "She and I were both into role-playing which, at least for me, had always been a difficult mutual interest to find in my relationships."

    Maybe you'll learn now why that is.

  2. Is it me or are there a lot of people losing their grip on reality these days? Which totally makes sense when you consider all the factors...

  3. My husband and I are both into dressing up for ren faires and getting into role playing games. We both also have a firm grip on reality and propriety. This woman had neither. Lulu is a judgmental shrew. The sky is blue.

  4. It's obvious that she could not go around like that 100% of the time. What about a job and interacting with the public on a general basis? Ever try getting a driver's license taken or apply for a bank loan in a Halloween costume? It doesn't work out very well.

    So you finally find someone who shares your interests, and you don't even try to get to know them outside of their character. Quitter.

  5. Lulu, here's the thing. You're judging an entire group of people based on an interest they mutually hold. That's bitchy.

    You don't agree with roleplaying games? On what grounds? People like the woman above? She's not the rule, she's the exception.

    No one care if you don't like them, that's whatever. But not liking them does NOT give you the right to so callously judge those who do.

  6. Jesus Christ, RPG nerds, chill the fuck out. We make a lot of gross generalizations on this blog about all kinds of people. The fact that someone finally made fun of YOUR particular subgroup is not a reason to get your iron-clad panties in a bunch.

    All the gamers (tabletop, mostly, as LARPing is completely lame...yeah, I said it...suck it) I know are confident in their lameness. Hell, they call their get-togethers "dorking." Get a sense of humor about yourself. Sorry you were beaten up in high school for playing Magic: The Gathering, but be an adult now.

    Lulu, for the record, I thought your comment was funny.

  7. ^ Agreed with every point...especially Lulu's comment being funny!

    I curl and people make fun of that sport...and you can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give!

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  9. ^^ This, and also am I the only one who found it strange that she left walking across several cars.

  10. LARP is huge in my town among certain groups, so I know several people who do it. They are weird. Period.

  11. I hung out with a group in college who were into this kind of thing. Even when they weren't in costume, they were still odd folk.

    But that's what made it all so interesting.

  12. There was a woman in Trekkies that believed she was a Starfleet Officer and wore her uniform to her job. Everyone sort of played along. Maybe people do the same for this chick.

  13. Thank you, Nikki and Howie. And Sawyer.
    This site used to be all about being politically incorrect and judgmental. Let's bring the good days back!

    PS: I was around a lot of LARPers when I was a teenager, and I think it's really lame and dumb.
    I have enough fun in the real world, thankyouverymuch.

  14. I'm a pretty big nerd, but I've never had any inclination to get into LARPing. Then again, if someone organized one of those huge medieval battles, I'd be there, swinging an axe.

  15. Howie, you curl? That's so cute! I know a lesbian and her bi ex-girlfriend who would be VERY interested in that info. (They're literally the only people I know who find curling interesting. ;D )

  16. How many other sports do you hear 'hurry, hard' and allow you to drink beer/alcohol during a game? Not too many!

  17. I've been gaming for over a decade and I'd leave this batty lady by the wayside, too.


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