You Are What You Eat

Story Submitted by Jonathan:

My date with Mandy had gone well.  We did dinner and wound up sitting on her porch, making out.

I reached into her pants, felt a weird sort of elastic waistband, slid my hand further in, and came upon something that was kind of rubbery... and a little sticky.  My hand froze and I pulled away from her.  My look must have said it all, because she asked, "What's wrong?"

"What's this in your pants?" I asked.

She laughed and said, "I ran out of underwear, so I had to break out a pair of edible panties."

I stared.  "Edible?"

She said, "Yep.  Here," and she reached into her pants, ripped a piece off, and held it out to me.  It was dark orange with the consistency of a fruit-roll-up and not at all appetizing.  "Try it," she said.

I said, "I think I'm okay."

She rolled it into a ball and stuffed the gob into her mouth.  "It's good," she said, "But it tastes like my ass."

"That's truly wonderful."

We went back to kissing after that, but she stopped after a couple of minutes.  She asked me, "Is it weird that I kind of want more?"

"More than... what we're doing now?"

She said, "No.  More of my underwear."  She reached into her pants and tore off another piece.  She ripped it in half and handed me a slice.  I tried a nibble.  It tasted like expeller-pressed fruitcake, and I handed my piece back to her.

She said, "It tastes like gummi bears, right?  Mmmmm."

She didn't stop until she had eaten what I'm positive was most of her apparatus.  Best of all was her belch at the end, and her statement, "We just ate my underwear."

Well, we had, but the party wasn't over yet.  We made out a bit more, then stood up.  Her stomach made a noticeable gurgle, and then she said, "I'll be right back," and made for the bathroom inside her house.

She was in there a little while before she came out, very pale and sweating.  "I just puked," she told me, "I think it was the underwear.  What the hell was in that stuff?"

That was the end of the date.  I put her to bed, made sure she had plenty of water, and asked her to call me.

She never called, and my messages to her went unanswered.  I figure she might have been embarrassed about the whole thing, but I always thought it was a good laugh, looking back.


  1. I finally had to break down and create an account for this one. Hilarious from start to finish! That was awesome.

  2. How does someone immediately NOT think about e.coli poisoning when contemplating eating her edible panties that she's worn?! I never got the whole craze about them, considering the things they'd do to your bits and pieces. Sticky chemicals around my vag? No thanks.

  3. Lemmegetthisstraight. She went through all of dinner (possibly the day) and the beginning of a makeout session - in edible undies? Unfortunately, I have to admit that I got a pair of these, years ago. They didn't end up being used as the intended purpose because they were too goofy. But they are, indeed, exactly like fruit roll-ups.
    The thought of going about my day in a pair, being swathed in leathery sugar...anyway, it just sounds like a gynecological nightmare.

  4. Not to mention attracting ants and flies and such...

  5. @theMediator

    Her pants or her sweaty vag?

  6. At least it'd have helped him get used to the taste

  7. ^ you're not the only one that "caught" it, just the only one who thought it was something to catch.

    I thought she was kind of awesome :) Admittedly she could do with a little bit of training in the whole "edible undies aren't really clothes" department but I just loved this:

    "It's good," she said, "But it tastes like my ass."
    "That's truly wonderful."

    -I honestly thought this was going to be one of those "and now we're married" stories :)

  8. I'm hoping the pair of them had drinks with dinner. That's the only thing that can explain this date.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.