No Strings Attached

Story Submitted by Cassandra:

Kevin and I were on a third date, watching a movie on his bed.  He slid close to me and I had a feeling that he'd try something.  Not that it would have been unwelcome.  I liked him and wanted him to take the initiative.

He didn't try anything, though.  He rolled off the bed, stood up, paused the movie, and said, "I've got something to show you.  Be right back."

He left the room and came back a few minutes later with a guitar that didn't have any strings.

"Bam!  Wah now wah now waaaah," he jammed on it as if it was a fully functioning instrument.

I thought he was trying to be funny, so I laughed and clapped for him.  He performed again: "Bow now wah now baaaaam, wah now wah now, weeeeeeoooow!"

"Thanks for the concert," I told him.

He nodded, then yelled, "Rah now bam now, bam!" then hoisted the guitar over his head and smashed it onto his floor.  It didn't break, but I shouted and jumped back, surprised.

"Wah now, wah now, bam!" he went again, and tried to smash it once more.  It still didn't break.  He looked at me, frowned, then looked up at one of his room's windows.

He yelled, "Weeeeeeeeooow!" and threw the guitar out the closed window.  Glass shattered into the yard, two stories below.

He gave me a crazed look, and I ran out of the room.  He followed me, saying, "Wah now bam weeee, bam wanna wanna bam woo raaaaoow," but I was able to make it out of his house, into my car, and away from the crazy boy forever.


  1. You know, a simple, "Cassandra, I think we should see other people" or "Cassandra, I just took a shit load of shrooms" would have been easier.

  2. " "Wah now bam weeee, bam wanna wanna bam woo raaaaoow "

    That's lyrical GOLD, Jerry... GOLD !!!!

  3. All I could think of was Carl doing this with his wig on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaKBuL3vIUg

  4. Was he holding onto his little winkie while he was chasing you out of the house? This is like rock 'n roll foreplay for twelve year olds.


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