There Will Be Bloods

E-mail Submitted by Robbie:

Listen up slime!  I'm here to set you straight and tell you what's what!  I'm here now to dominate, educate, and not tolerate!  You are but a lowly man and I am going to set you straight!

First thing you will do is lick the soles of my feet, and then you can work your way up to the rest of me if you are good!  You are nothing but slime and I will have to teach you a lesson!  Many lessons, if you are lucky!  You will wash me with sweet-smelling soaps and I will wash you with brillo!  I don't care if you bleed!  I will wash myself in your bloods!

Best of all?  You will thank me for letting me do this!  I will pain you until you thank me down on your knees!  THEN WE WILL START ALL OVER AGAIN AND YOU WILL GIVE ME MORE THANKS AND MORE PRAISE!  I am worthy and you are nothing.

Eat everything I give you.  You will offer me thanks.



  1. tl;dr

    What dating site was this posted on?!

  2. Is it weird that I am incredibly turned on right about now?

  3. Well, at least she's honest about her intentions... right?

  4. Come on Nikki, a tl;dr on 4 short paragraphs? I'm shocked!

  5. Yeah if this was on a fetish dating site it doesn't really count, but if this is her standard email out on a regular dating site, I'm impressed. Wonder how often it works...

  6. :-* Hi Coriolanus! I've missed you!

    And yes, I tl;dr'd it, mainly because I got the basic gist of it after the first paragraph, so there was no need to continue reading some psycho dominatrix's way to find new subs. There's other websites for that nonsense, not a dating site.

  7. I'm not even a guy, and I'm terrified.

  8. I was hoping there was a note at the bottom from the recipient telling us more! Was this shit just random? Loving the emails Jared.

  9. Well Nikki, I'm glad you missed me. I really haven't been away, I just don't comment so much because I don't have the sage advice/witty comments that people like yourself and others possess.

  10. ^Flattery will get you everywhere, love. Will you be my special Valentine Troll? <3 :D <3


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.