Why Does Every Woman I Write to Want Kids?

E-mail Submitted by Ella:

Hi I'm divorced male white no smoking six feet ? pounds.  I have two tattoos firm abs tight ass sand-colored brown hair and two clean feet.  I am looking for a woman who will join me in activities including time spent in every room of the house such as the bathroom, den, and bedroom (?!).

I have not kids don't wnt kids if you want them go play in the sunshine but not indoors.  My first wife wanted kids she said oh my gods I want kids and I didn't want them so we didn't have them it takes two not one ha.

If you want kids then don't write back if you don't write back I'll guess you want kids its how I deal when women do't write back and they don't write abck a lot so all you women want kids don't know why, ruins your bodies.



  1. I like how he randomly throws in the fact that he has clean feet.

  2. ^ agreed

    Also, I love how the email starts off in the first paragraph sounding somewhat coherent, then ends up sounding like drunken ramble at the end.

  3. Do his feet stay clean constantly? What if he goes to the beach? What if he goes running on a hot day?

    This is highly, highly excellent

  4. Ride the tiger
    You can see his stripes but you know he's clean Oh don't you see what I mean

  5. I can just hear his ex-wife exclaiming "oh my gods I want kids!" Waving her hands madly in the air.

    Let's just all be thankful he's chosen not to procreate.

  6. Why does he list he wants to hang out in the bathroom with her first?

    1. So he can get a blow job and not have her spend the night?


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