The Sweet Smell of Success

Story Submitted by John:

I stumbled upon Marsha's profile online.  She seemed nice, and liked bad horror movies, of which I'm a huge fan.  She wasn't terribly attractive, but I wouldn't let that stand in the way of at least finding a kindred spirit.

I wrote to her and she seemed very eager in her messages to me.  She wanted to meet almost right away.  Why not, I thought.

We met in front of a building that was a local landmark.  It was around then that I discovered why she had appeared so desperate to meet me.

To say that she had bad body odor would be an insult to body odor.  To my dismay, she smelled worse than a herd of elephants who had just eaten a herd of hippos, then died.

It was a poor choice, perhaps, for me to say that out loud, as I did.  She didn't take it in the jovial, guffaw-inducing manner that I had expected.

She said, "It's part of my condition, you asshole," then did this weird breathing thing in which she sucked air in and out of her nostrils really fast, and then she turned and left me there.

On the plus side, I didn't have to mouth-breathe through a date.


  1. Now why in heaven's name would you tell her she smelled so bad on a first date and expect her to take it in a jovial manner? Whether or not she could help the BO, I'm not surprised she walked out on you (and I would have as well)

  2. If I were him, I would have walked out on the date before she could. If she actually had a "condition," she should have warned him about it first, even if only in a vague way. Agreed that OP is dumb for thinking that she'd take one of the best insults I've ever read on here in a jovial fashion.

  3. What did you expect, OP?

    "You smell bad!"

    "Oh, tee hee! You so funny!"

    That being said, she really should have mentioned this condition on her profile.

  4. I guess that's why she skipped the small talk part of online dating...

  5. Some of the worst smelling people don't realize how fucking stinky they are. I guess when you reek all of the time, your nose gets used to it.

  6. I'm trying to think of what "condition" would cause you to smell like ass. So far the first things to come to mind are obesity, halitosis, bowel control problems...?

  7. Nomatophobia, there are actually a bunch, ranging from liver/kidney malfunction to enzyme deficiencies or hormonal problems. All of those are non-responsive to hygeine measures, though they may be helped by medication.

  8. I remember watching one of these daytime talk shows (forget which) that had a woman on who had a condition which caused her to emanate a putrid smell, and there was no cure to her condition. Can't recall what it was called either.

  9. I've never really been on online dating sites but I'm pretty sure if you state in your profile that you have a condition that makes you have terrible body odor, you might as well not sign up to the site in the first place...

  10. noma, why it gotta be obesity? I'm fat and I do not smell bad.


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