Mostly What I Need from You

Story Submitted by Cal:

I was out to dinner on a first date with Paige when our waiter came up to our table with a heart-shaped box of chocolates.  He handed it to her and said, "Someone dropped these off for you."

He left and she looked at me with a smile.  "Did you order these for me?  That was so sweet!"

I hadn't, and I told her, "I didn't.  I'm sorry.  You must have another admirer."

She asked, "Are you sure it wasn't you?"

"I'm sure."

The waiter returned, this time with two big mylar balloons, also shaped like hearts, all red and pink and shiny.  She said, "This has to have been you."

I said, "Maybe it's the waiter."

Finally, the waiter returned less than a minute later with a nice bouquet of flowers.  She looked as if she was about to cry and said to me, "Thank you so much... oh my God, this is like..."

"Paige, I think you're great, but I just met you.  I swear I didn't order you this stuff."

"Well, no one else knew that I would be here."

"Maybe it was the waiter," I repeated.

She said, "It was you.  I know it."

"It wasn't."

"It was."

"It wasn't."

She gave me a look as if she wasn't sure if I was lying or playing some sort of game.  Then she said, "Well done, Cal.  I ordered them for myself to see if you'd take credit for them.  Then I'd know you were a liar and that we wouldn't be a good match.  You've given me honesty, and that's a better gift than any of this schlock."

I asked her, "You ordered all of this for yourself?"

She said, "Yes."

I replied, "That's insane."

She said, "Looking for an honest guy is insane?"

"Using your method?  Yes."

She shrugged and said, "Fine.  I guess you've shown me your true colors in a different way.  You just fucked up this whole evening.  Way to go."

I said, "Offhand, trying to trick a guy into being dishonest and pretending to receive gifts that you actually ordered yourself is inherently dishonest in and of itself.  So I'm glad you've shown me that."

"Go fuck yourself," she said, "Girls have to test guys."

"Sure they do."

Surprisingly, she stayed for dinner.  We ate in complete silence, split the check, and she took her balloons, chocolates, and flowers with her.  If she hurried, she'd be able to use all of them again on a subsequent date to try and trick another guy.


  1. You can't blame her reasoning, but that sure was a stupid (and expensive) method to go about it.

  2. All I kept thinking about was the movie Clueless when Cher was sending herself flowers and chocolates to impress a guy who happened to be gay. Makes me wonder is this where Paige got the idea from. HUGE FAIL!

  3. God I hope no one tries to do this on Valentine's Day.


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