Story Submitted by Lauren:
Peter was an avid cook who kept a blog of his various experiments in the kitchen. Early in our online correspondence, he pointed me to it and I was impressed with his work, mostly with breakfast items.
We organized a date for a Saturday morning, and he suggested, "You can come over to my place before we head out. I'm working on a new recipe for orange juice." Intrigued, I took him up on his offer.
When I arrived at his place, I discovered that he had set up a table, two folding chairs, a pitcher of orange juice, and two glasses on his front porch.
"Have a seat," he welcomed me, "Give it a smell."
I smelled the juice in the pitcher. It had an overpowering aroma of orange juice, but also something... less than orange juice. Something metallic? Salty? What was it?
"Try it," he said, "Taste the flavor."
I poured it in my glads, tried a sip, and spat it out. Something tasted gross. He said, "No need for dramatics. I know it's not that bad." He swigged down a few gulps.
"Ugh," I said, "What was in there?"
He said, "Freshly squeezed oranges," and nothing more. He went on, "Oh yeah, and a little anchovy paste."
"Gross! In orange juice?"
"It's not gross. Do you have any idea how many vital nutrients anchovies have?"
I felt nauseous. "They don't belong in orange juice!"
He said, "Who are you to say that? God put man here to experiment. Maybe they should go together. I think they're delicious together." He drank more, then pushed the pitcher across the table, at me.
I said, "I think I'm done."
In response to that, he leaned across the table and belched in my face. I rose and tipped the pitcher over at him on purpose. He yelled and said, "Now I've got anchovy paste all over these pants! Bitch!"
I ran off of his porch and jumped into my car. "You get back here and clean this up, bitch!" he yelled behind me, but I didn't stop until I was as far away as possible from that asshole.
They did deserve each other.
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ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, Gnome, more than one person can be a douche at a time.
ReplyDeleteBecause, believe it or not, Gnomey, some people's parents taught them these wonderful things called "manners" and "tact". Spitting it out right away is unnecessary. A better way of handling this would/could have been to gag (understandably), but not just spit it. Put it back in the same glass. Say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, that's not really to my liking", or "sorry, that doesn't agree with me". "ugh" and "they don't belong in orange juice!" (exclamation point indicating an exclamation, wow!) don't come across as nice, especially on a first date.
ReplyDeleteThe guy shouldn't have burped in her face, among other things, but he was reacting to wounded pride/ego. Maybe he would've reacted differently if she hadn't been a bitch.
"but also something... less than orange juice. Something metallic? Salty? What was it?"
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't have tipped over the orange juice... my pervert detector suggests that testing it for DNA might have been more appropriate. 8-D
^ Haha, my thoughts went in that direction, too!
ReplyDeleteWell whenever I taste something disgusting, it's just my reflex reaction to spit it out. You don't think about it, you just do it.
ReplyDeleteThe date is delusional and childish. OP's behavior may be a bit rude, but considering the circumstances definitely forgivable and reasonable. Fight fire with fire.
She doesn't know how to drink orange juice if she's pouring it in her glads
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ReplyDeleteLei & TheGnome, I think you're both right and wrong at the same time.
ReplyDeleteLei: I agree that she should have used more tact (though I did read it that she spat it back into the glass, not on the table or porch), but burping in someone's face? That's immature and childish AT BEST and does not showcase the greatest amount of tact and manners in itself.
TheGnome: I've got nothing to say against your second post; I think exactly the same thing. However, you know as well as I do that pushing over the pitcher onto his lap was crossing the line. She should have kept her dignity and just walked away instead of instigating a situation where she had to run.
@ Gnome: I apologize. That wasn't the way that was supposed to come off.
ReplyDeleteBeing condescending is a fantastic way to get your point across. It's also a good way to get yourself punched. I guess it's like giving someone a choose your own adventure card.
ReplyDeletewhich female dosnt like an anchovy belch in the face on a first date,
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