When Nudity Is Not Art

Story Submitted by Barbara:

Russell offered to take me to an arts fair for our first date.  It was a couple of hours away, and I had been there once before when I was a kid, so I was pretty excited about spending the day with him there.

Russell had gone to my high school, and was apparently a sophomore when I was a senior, but I don't remember ever meeting him before the dating site.  Still, we had a lot of great memories of the same teachers, friends, and events, and that helped us bond very quickly.

He picked me up on a Saturday morning, treated me to a local breakfast, and off we went to the fair.

We were a little over an hour into the drive when he slowed the car down a bit and unzipped his pants.

"So," he said, "How about a little road head?"

I busted out laughing and said, "Zip your pants up, boy."

He left them unzipped for the remainder of the ride, and likely would have walked around the whole fair with his fly open if I didn't remind him about it upon exiting the car.

I had mostly forgotten about the road head request when we were walking around the fair and he whispered, "That offer is still open.  It's a long ride back."

I was somehow able to distract him by ducking into a glassware booth.  I insisted on paying for lunch, and we walked around a bit more when he pointed to a port-o-potty.

"Do you want to go down on me in there?" he asked, hopefully.

I said, "Gross.  I wouldn't go down on a popsicle in there."

"What's gross?  I'm gross?"

"No," I lied, "Those portable toilets.  Everyone's been using them, and they always smell awful."

He looked at them thoughtfully for several moments, then strode over, opened one up, entered, and closed it behind him.

I stood a good distance away, as I wanted to wait for him, but I've never liked how those things smelled.  Always bad.

He didn't come out for a while, and I knocked on his door.  He said, "Come in.  You get used to it after a while."

I looked around to make sure that no one heard him and I said, "Come out, Russell.  Time to keep going."

He said, "Come on in.  This is the best-smelling one that I've ever been in."

I said, "If you don't come out, then I'm going to keep going on in the fair."

"Then I'll drive away."

I really disliked him for saying that, and I grabbed the door handle, in the unlikely event that it was unlocked and that I could somehow pull him out.

It was unlocked, all right, and he was naked inside.  His clothes lay in a heap, by a puddle on the floor.

I screamed and shut the door.  He softly rapped at the door from the other side.  "Come on.  Come in."

I said, "I'm going on, and I don't care if you drive off.  If you come find me, then fine."

I stormed away.  He ended up finding me and we went on for the rest of the day as if nothing had happened.  I couldn't squeeze the image of him nude, just waiting for me, out of my head.

As soon as we climbed into the car, on the way back, he unzipped his pants again, but this time didn't say anything.

When he dropped me off at my place, he said, "So I guess I'm not going to be hearing from you?"

I replied, "You guess right," and left his car.


  1. Is it weird that after everything I've read on this site, I kinda think it was nice that at least he didn't leave her there and drove her home?

    ... actually, don't answer that. It is.

  2. I suppose, but one good act doesn't make up for a days worth of assholery.

    What is with guys and assuming women they just met want to perform sexually for them?

  3. I love that the ad at the top of this (for me) was for "All you can eat". How appropriate. And tactful.

  4. The ad for me is about buying porto johns.
    This guy is awful. she should leaned in the john with him and then stolen his clothes. That'll teach him!

  5. "So I guess I'm not going to be hearing from you?"

    At least he wasn't stupid enough to believe you were still into seeing him.

  6. It's unbelievable how much crap women can put up with. Seriously the guy unzips his pants and asks you for a bj on the first date?

  7. What the... guys please.

    Start with a soft kiss, it may lead to making out. Nice, right?

    If things get hot and heavy, gently place her hand over your junk. If she reacts like you just put her hand on a hot stove, apologize and go back to first base. If you're lucky, you'll still have a nice date. If you whine, it's over. If she grabs at it and gives you a hummer, then congratulations, you're dating a slut. Until you know you're dating a slut, DON'T ASK FOR A GOD DAMNED BLOW JOB.

  8. Why do guys "offer" this like it's a goddamn present?

  9. ^ Because in their twisted minds, it is

  10. How do you "mostly forget" about the car incident on the way? How do you go on "as if nothing had happened" after the port-o-potty scene?


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