The Not-So-Golden Rule

Story Submitted by Anthony:

In Julie's second e-mail to me, she wrote, "I like talking dirty."  I do, too.  We exchanged instant messenger names, flirted for a bit, then talked all about what we wanted to do to each other.  Yes, it was moving fast, but I was cool with it if she was.

"Last night was great," she wrote me the next morning, "You gave me an orgasm."

I walked around with a smile for the rest of that day, as giving a woman I had never met an orgasm was quite the ego-booster.  She e-mailed me two more words that day: "Busy tonight?"

Through e-mail, we decided to meet at a restaurant close by.  She showed up late, but it wasn't a big deal.  She was a cute brunette with a great personality, so what's a few minutes tardy?

Of course, I reached for the check when it came and she said, "Whew!  I'm glad you're taking care of it.  I won't have to go over my policy with you, then."

Taking the bait, I asked her, "What's your policy?"

She said, "For every orgasm I let a guy give me, he takes me out to dinner and gives me another orgasm."

I laughed at that and said, "So to reward a guy for giving you an orgasm, you reward him by making him take you out to dinner?  Over and over?  Sounds like a never-ending cycle."

She smiled, raised her wine to me, and sipped some down.

I asked, "What if I told you that I had the same policy for women?  Where would that leave us?"

"That would make you a prick for trying to weasel out of paying for dinner.  And I know it's not your policy, but it is mine."

"What if I don't want to give you another orgasm?"

She looked shocked.  "Why wouldn't you?"

I asked, "What if I wanted to split dinner sometime?"

"Uh-uh," she said, and shook her head, "Another guy trying to get out of being a guy.  News flash: this is how everyone does it.  It's the only way to keep a woman happy.  You think I'd put up with any guy any longer than I had to if there wasn't something in it for me?"

She sounded so convinced, that I had to wonder for a moment if I had been doing it wrong for all these years.  Then I realized that I wasn't the crazy one and I said, "I think we should split the next check."

She said, "I think you should take that back."

I stared at her, and she flung the rest of the wine in her glass (which wasn't much) into my face.

"Get used to that," she said, standing up and storming off.

I haven't met another woman like her, but according to her, they all, coincidentally, might be exceptions to her rule.


  1. I want to start talking dirty too, but need some advice.... Does this get you going or not:

    "I want to tongue punch your fart box and finger tickle your dirt star! (followed by a few) Oh baby, Oh baby!"

    Please let me know if this would help me in the dirty talk department. Thanks.

  2. So basically you still ended up paying for dinner..

  3. I actually feel uncomfortable when a guy tries to pay for me. It makes me feel like I owe them, which is why I always pay my own way!

  4. Wow OP you really messed that up! Just pay for dinner until your tired of her. Easy out

  5. I'm kinda with Baku-chan. I feel weird when guys try to pay for me. I mean, I'm the one who ate the food. Shouldn't I be the one to pay for it? But most guys insist on paying and refuse to let me split the check. In that case, I offer to buy coffee or dessert.

    This woman was crazy. While it's customary for a guy to pay on a date, it's not required. I see nothing wrong with a guy asking to split the check. It's only fair.

  6. This has less to do with who pays for dinner or who doesn't, but more to do with straight up prostitution. For food. Which is creepy.

  7. You think I'd put up with any guy any longer than I had to if there wasn't something in it for me?

    Sign she'll be an excellent trophy wife to some dirty old millionaire someday.

  8. Yes Howie that was beautiful! In fact, I suggest you start writing erotic novels immediately.

  9. I generally offer to pay for both myself and the other person, but I also offer the other options (halfsies, Dutch, or she could pay for it all. ...the last one said with a laugh) at the same time.

    The only time it's been problematic was the person who said she would like to go out to dinner, but she dislikes it when the guy pays, and she didn't have the funds to pay for dinner out. I'm quite sure that was either a diplomatic "no", bad luck, or a potential submission for here.


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