That Says it All

Story Submitted by Joseph:

I pulled up to Nancy's house and rang the doorbell.  Her sister answered the door.

"Nancy's not feeling too well," she said, "I don't think she'll be able to go out tonight."

I was disappointed, sure.  I had grabbed us two tickets to a concert, and I was really looking forward to meeting her.  I told her sister to send Nancy my best wishes, and then I left.

I called Jenny, a friend (and former girlfriend) to ask her if she wanted to go to the concert with me.  She did, we went, and we had a good time.  Nothing romantic happened between us, as we had dated years ago and she was seeing someone else, from what I could gather.

The next day, I called Nancy to find out how she was feeling.  She sounded good, which gave me hope that we could try meeting again in the near future.

"Sorry that I made us miss the concert last night," she said.

I said, "Nothing to be sorry about.  I'm glad that you had your rest.  I went anyway.  I had bought the tickets, after all."

She said, "You went?  You actually went?  That's rude."

I didn't know what to say to that, but Nancy went on, "By yourself?"

I said, thinking that she'd probably prefer honesty, "I went with a friend of mine.  We just rocked out.  Nothing happened."

"So you went with a girl.  I see," and she hung up on me.

If that was the whole story, then it wouldn't have been that big a deal.  I wasn't about to call her back after antics like that, but she called me about ten minutes later, in tears.

She yelled, "You go out and fuck this other girl and you say it like I'm not supposed to care?"

I explained again that Jenny and I were friends, and that nothing happened.  I left out the part about us having dated a while back.  It would not have done any good.

I do remember ending my statement with, "She and I aren't dating."

She replied, "So you and she are dating, now?"

I repeated, "No.  We're not dating.  We're friends."

"But I bet you want to fuck her."

Now I was tempted to hang up on her.  I said, "If you're not going to trust me, Nancy, then why are we even still talking?"

"I see, you want to get off the phone so you can go back to fucking this other bitch."

I said, "I think I'm going to go," and hung up.

She called my phone off the hook for the next week.  I didn't pick up once.

In contrast, she only sent me one e-mail, and it was after she had stopped calling me for a day or two.  It was probably the funniest thing I've ever read, given the context:





She said it.


  1. Maybe she had inadvertently electrocuted herself the instant she was to begin writing you a scorching, powerful apology.

  2. Arthur: Look, if he was dying he wouldn't bother to carve "Aahhaahaaaaaa." He'd just say it.
    Brother Maynard: Well that's what's carved in the rock.
    Sir Lancelot: Perhaps he was dictating.
    Arthur: Oh, shut up.

  3. Now I know not to go to concerts I bought tickets for without my date because it would be rude

  4. "and I was really looking forward to meeting her." They hadn't even met!

    New height for obscene level of jealousy and possessiveness on a first... almost date.


    funniest bad-date e-mail on the site :D


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