Able to Butter Bread from Ten Yards Away

Story Submitted by Jessie:

Darren was an Internet date.  We did outdoor seating at a nice restaurant.  At one point, not long after we sat down, while I was talking about something or other, he picked up his metal spoon and tapped it repeatedly on the table.

"Please stop," I asked him.

He made a gunshot noise and tossed the spoon at me.  It hit my face.

I cried out and he stood up immediately, rushing to my side.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I meant to hit your chest, not your face.  My bad, my bad."

"Get away from me!" I yelled.

In response, he grabbed my spreading knife and threw it towards the street, where it slammed into the side of a parked car.

Passing pedestrians stopped to stare, and everyone around us looked at him.  He turned to me, ran his hand through his hair, and left me there.  Thankfully, I never heard from him again.


  1. Loved it. "I meant to hit your chest!"

    "Oh! Don't worry about it, then. After dinner, your place or mine, sweetie?"

  2. A lot of these people weren't what you would call "planned pregnancies."

  3. "I meant to hit your chest, not your face."

    Because that makes it so much better.

  4. Why did he pull a Fonzie? Like throwing things at your date and fucking up somebody's paint job (if not worse) is a cool thing to do?

    Applause for Howie.

  5. First thing I thought too, Baku-chan.

  6. So on the first date you tried to control his actions even though its a minor annoyance? Hmmm...

  7. What the hell is wrong with you, Greg!


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