"Yes. So I Can Go Touch More Vaginas."

Story Submitted by Albert:

In college, I met Lexy while in the library, studying for finals. She was on her own, at a table, and I thought that she was the most beautiful woman I'd seen at the school. Everything about her made me want to know her, but being shy, it took me a good half hour to work up the nerve to talk to her.

When I did, she gave me such a great smile that I forgot why I had greeted her in the first place. I sat down at her table and spilled everything: how I had watched her, how she made me feel, everything that I thought would frighten her away.

To my amazement, she listened to all of my rambling and at the end she said, "You are so cute."

I nearly puked from anxiety. I did it. I asked her out. It was the greatest feeling I had ever had.

I took her out to dinner at a nice Japanese place near the university, and from the beginning, she seemed very interested in me. All the while, I couldn't believe that she didn't have a boyfriend.

"I've had two boyfriends," she said, "Both of whom were lying, selfish, and cheaters. I've had to do a lot of growing up."

She asked me a lot about my own romantic life. A lot. She asked me not only about my previous girlfriends, but how far we had gone, if I was in love with them, and details about their vaginas (I'm not joking).

I was in college, a candid person by nature, and at the time, I saw no harm in Lexy's questions. Even when she asked, "Would you have sex with them again if you had the chance?"

To that question, I thought, she's being candid and honest with me, so she deserves the same. I told her, "Maybe, if I wasn't in an exclusive relationship at the time."

She said, "I'm not letting you out of my sight, then."

After dinner, I had it in mind to take a walk around the neighborhood and through the quads. It was a nice walk, and she took my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. "Finally," I can remember thinking, "A real, grown-up relationship."

We ended our walk at the campus church. I was ready to say goodnight. She wasn't.

She asked, "We can go back to your place, right?"

Sounded good to me. She added, "We're just going to cuddle."

So we spent the night of our first date cuddling in my bed. The next day, I had booked out for studying. When I told her that in the morning, she said, "I'll come with you. I'm not letting you out of my sight."

So she spent the day studying with me. I had plans that night with friends, but I called and cancelled. We cuddled again that night. And the next. Since our date, we hadn't been apart from each other.

I had plans with another group of friends that weekend, and I didn't want to miss them. When I told Lexy, she asked, "Who are these friends? Are there any girls there?"

I told her that there would be and she said, "Then you're not going."

When I told her that I didn't think that she had anything to worry about, she yanked at her hair, screamed, and swung her fists. She yelled, "You're not going! I say you're not going!"

It wasn't up to her, and I grew pretty tired of her behavior, so I told her that I had to go study and preferred to do it alone.

She said, "Why? So you can go touch more vaginas?"

I'll never forget my response.  I thought for a moment and said, "Yes.  So I can go touch more vaginas."

She flipped out.  I never want a woman that mad at me again.  No matter that I repeated, "I was kidding" over and over.  She seemed intent on throwing a mega-tantrum.  I tried to gently guide her out of my place, but she slapped my hands away.

I yelled, "Get out or I'll call the police!"

She said, "Call them!  I'll tell them you hit me."

I called them.  She took off.  I gave them a statement.  They told me not to worry as apparently, this wasn't her first run-in with them.  They advised me to keep away from her, which I did to the best of my ability for the term.

It wasn't my last run-in with her, but eventually, everything ended just fine.  For me, at least.


  1. She said, "Why? So you can go touch more vaginas?"

    You could have replied, "Why would I touch more vaginas when I have a the biggest CUNT standing right here?" Awww...I love that word..."biggest".

  2. ^ That would have been AWESOME.

  3. ^Thirded.

    OP, I want to know more about your other run-ins with her! We so rarely get follow-ups to ridiculous dates/relationship stories. And this one is especially intriguing, as the cops were on familiar terms with her already!

  4. A beautiful woman went obsessed about a regular guy after the first date? Cops had also been called in before? Yeah, right.

  5. I knew some people like this. I buy every word.

  6. I love that the quote was so awesome you just named the story that :)

  7. "An" has obviously never dated in the real world.

  8. Brad, I don't know about your "theoretical, real world," but I live in the world where a regular, shy guy doesn't just turn down "the most beautiful woman" at his school by calling the cops. Any normal, sane guy would try to work it out and tap that ass some more times.

    Oh wait, maybe you just happen to be one of the few who either wishes this story to be true, or is not bright enough to control and keep a hot fuck buddy. It's all good, you still have time to learn.

  9. Did they not do the crazy-hot scale from how I met your mother by this date yet? This is definitely a case of the crazy-hot scale


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