What Happens in Canada

Story Submitted by Karlie:

Tim was a guy I worked with. We flirted, we clicked, and it seemed like we could have chemistry. Living in upstate New York, he asked me out to dinner at a restaurant across the border in Canada. He'd never been to the restaurant, but had heard good things. I had never been to Canada before, and I accepted, assuming that it would be a nice night.

Tim picked me up on time and we got across the border and to the restaurant with no problem.

Things were going great until the waiter came to take our drink order. When he looked at me, his face was a mix of horror and disgust.  He shouted, "How the hell did you find me? Did you track my IP address? Are you stalking me?"

I replied, quite bewildered, with, "I'm sorry, but I don't know you."

He yelled back, "Like hell you don't! Stop playing this game! How did you find out where I work?"

I racked my brain, but the waiter's face was totally unfamiliar to me. As I'd never been to Canada before in my life, I was fairly certain I'd never met him.

Before I could say anything, the waiter continued, "Now that I have you here in person, I can tell you how ugly you are. You're disgustingly hideous, and no makeup or plastic surgery can ever make you beautiful. Never!"

He turned to Tim and said, "And you were an idiot for marrying her. But you're just as ugly as she is, so I bet you had no other options."

For the record, Tim and I were not married, and Tim was better looking than the waiter by a mile.

The waiter carried on with, "And you're both total losers, living with her parents because you're some brain-dead soldier who doesn't know how to make a decent dollar."

Once again, for the record, my parents live in California, and I haven't lived with them since high school. Tim was never in the military.

The entire restaurant was fixated on the scene. The manager came over and asked what was going on. Tim and I, both utterly confused, said that we had no idea. He turned to the waiter and said, "You're fired.  Get out."

On his way out, the waiter yelled, "I'll get you, you ugly bitch! I'll find you and I'll kill you!"

The manager apologized profusely and offered us a free meal. Though, after that ordeal, Tim and I politely declined and decided to scrap the date. We were both confused and shaken, and wanted to get the hell out of Canada.


  1. On behalf of all Canucks, I apologize for my cousin Zeke's outburst.
    I think it was because his igloo was leaking and his pet seal was clubbed the night before. He probably thought you were his long lost cousin and was mad the way you broke up with him.
    Soooo...again, sorry eh?

  2. Only one step short of the Stephen King story "Lunch at the Gotham Cafe".

  3. I . . . I don't even know how to begin to . . .

  4. That's a horrible date...

    Except I don't understand why Canada is relevent to the story, or why you'd both want to leave Canada because of the waiter, or why you'd scrap the date.

  5. Don't worry. About the only retaliation a Canadian will have on you is taking you off his Christmas card list.

  6. Maybe "I'll get you, you ugly bitch" is the new "I'll get you my pretty. and your little dog too!"

    @bethzebra - I LOVE that story! You are totally right about the similarity...

  7. Agreed that an insane waiter in a foreign country should be more grounds for a blowjob than a quick end to the date.

    Kids these days... ?!?

  8. Oh man, I thought they were both going to be trapped in Canada for some reason. Oh well...


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