Look Out Behind You

Story Submitted by Raoul:

I messaged Jenna on a dating website and I asked her out.  We met on a Friday night, after what she called a "week from hell."  At the bar, she pounded back shot after shot after shot after beer after beer after shot.  Soon, she was pretty trashed, and likely couldn't walk without the aid of assistance.

I hadn't planned to go back to her apartment on a first date, but I felt as though I had to do it to make sure that she was going to make it back there at all.

What didn't help was her screaming, "Help!  Rape!" and then laughing hysterically as I eased her into my car.

In her apartment, she said that she stank and wanted to take a shower.  I set her up with one of her own towels and led her into the bathroom.  Then, I left the bathroom for her living room.

Forty minutes later, the water was still running behind the bathroom door.  I knocked on it and called her name.  There was no answer, so I opened it up slowly.

She was still in her clothes, dry as dry could be, sleeping next to the tub.  I turned off the water and helped her into her bed.

She moaned and ripped out one of the juiciest farts I've ever had the displeasure of hearing.  Then, another one.  Then, two more.  It was a regular shitstorm.  I put her to bed and closed her door.

I went into her kitchen to grab a glass of water.  There were photos all over her fridge of some painting that I've never seen before, an abstract work that consisted of a red diagonal slash against a white background.  Aside from those, there was a poem that bore her name.  I don't remember the whole thing, but it was titled, "In the Valley of the Skulls, Jenna Is King."  Most of the poem was about stabbing people through the eyes.

I left.


  1. How'd the second date go?

  2. I'm hoping she shit her pants and slept in it all night. You got a fantastic glimpse of what this person was really like. Good job not getting stabbed in the eyes or having your life's blood splattered on a canvas.

  3. ^ I don't think he really got to know what she was like since she was drunk. People don't usually act like themselves when they're really drunk.

  4. Yes they do, just a stupider, less inhibited version of themselves. Even though I may think 'm Amy Winehouse, I'm clearly just a fucked up version of myself.

    Beside that, I was referring to her fridge art and poem. People can tell a lot about me from my fridge decor - tons of photos, band stickers, club flyers, snarky bumper stickers, endless lists of things to do and buy, magnets from my travels around the world. It's like myspace threw up in my kitchen.

  5. The phrase "without the aid of assistance" is a bit redundant, don't you think?

  6. "I don't think he really got to know what she was like since she was drunk."

    At the least, you know that she sometimes gets so drunk she can't function.

  7. Yeah, when a girl screams rape it's okay to leave her at the curb...


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