It's Not a Real Date Unless You Break a Couple of Commandments

Story Submitted by Pietro:

I got to know Donna online.  She was 26, seemed sweet, caring, and very thoughtful.  I was wrong on all counts, but I didn't know that going into the date.

Donna worked in an attorney's office, answering phones, helping clerks, grabbing coffee, etc.  Apparently, there was someone else in her office, another assistant, who she didn't like very much. 

Donna would say, "She keeps cozying up to the clerks and I'm sure she's sleeping with half of the lawyers."

According to Donna, this would explain her competitor's sudden and "inexplicable" pay raise.

"They're getting ready to get rid of me.  I know too much," she explained, "But I'm crafty."

I try not to be a vengeful person, so I let it be.  Other than her anger towards her workplace (and who hasn't had that?), she was great.  For the time being.

Our date was at a downtown restaurant, right after the workday.  She picked the place and we had a very nice time together, aside from the complaints about her job, which were constant.

As we were finishing up, she asked me if I'd mind running a short errand with her after dinner.  I had no problem with such a thing, and she said that she had to drop by the office to grab something.  Seemed harmless.

In the elevator, she said, "There are usually clerks working late, so we won't be alone.  I just need you to keep watch."

Her plan was to break into her coworker's desk and find "evidence," whatever that meant.  I told her that I thought it was a mistake, but she was set on it.  After almost every sentence, she added, "I hope you don't think any less of me."

Getting there.

We arrived at her coworker's desk and Donna rifled through the drawers.  This area was away from the main central area, where the clerks seemed to congregate.

She said, "I'll only be a couple of minutes.  I hope you don't think any less of me."

Surprisingly, she found no evidence.  She looked at the desk for a while and then smiled.

"Oh!" she said, and ran for her desk, which was nearby.  She came back with a small tube of crazy glue.

"Are you kidding me?" I remember asking her.

"If you knew this girl, you'd say that this is the least of what I should do to her.  I hope you don't think any less of me."

Donna was obviously fishing for a, "No, I don't," but I did, so I didn't say anything.

After she had glued two of her coworker's drawers shut (and glued a couple of her own fingers together in the process), she returned the glue to her desk and we slipped out, unseen by the busy clerks.

The next day, Donna sent me an e-mail, telling me that the glue was worthless - it hadn't worked on the drawers after all.  She also said:

"There's no real easy way to put this, so I'll come out and say it: you're not very supportive, and I think we'd be better off seeing other people.  Sorry."

No apologies needed.  And yes, I still think less of you.

1 comment:

  1. Next time ditch your date when she wants you to act as a look out for her breaking and entering. Even though she works in the building, she could be charged with B&E or trespassing if she were caught and YOU would be an accessory...


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